Hello Readers,
What an evening I've had tonight (or maybe couple of weeks I should say but I'll start with tonight...)
I'm feeling nicely relaxed now that I am here listing to Classic FM after eating a yummy wintery dinner but earlier on was quite a different story - usually I love the bath, story and bedtime routine with Freya, she plays with the bubbles and we practice the alphabet using bath crayons - she can now repeat the alphabet after hearing and seeing the letters and this morning at breakfast she even drew an A - she's such a little joy to be around however this evening I think she was swapped for the devil and I would quite like it if my little darling could be returned!
At first all she wanted was a bath so we ran it but when it came to going to she refused then the tears and then a full on tantrum proceeded, we couldn’t get her in so it was a two person job to hold the slippery toddler and wash her as best we could before battling to put on her PJ's, even soothing words and suggesting we read Beatrix Potter once she was dressed wasn't enough, our words fell of deaf ears and she continued in her ways.
I began to worry that she isn't happy with the recent change of routine, I had 3 weeks off work when my back was bad before my op (which went well I'm glad to say, I still have back pain if I sit for too long but it has made a drastic difference to everyday life just being mobile and not having to rest as much, I can walk with my posture being straight and am not taking painkillers any more hooray!!... I digress... So, I had spent a lot of time at home with Freya then on the Monday that I returned to work Freya started with her new child minder who I am really pleased is looking after Freya as she lives locally, looks after another girl who lives a couple of doors away and she's certified in baby signing - lots of bonuses!
Changing childcare has made a massive difference to our daily routine as we only have to walk for a few minutes to drop Freya off then I drive straight to work and I'm not doing a long commute in stop start traffic for an hour each way every work day like before, so that's it from my perspective but I worried after Freya's recent bedtime behavior that she was playing up because she's not happy which I know isn't true and I was reminded of that when I read her daily report - "Today we baked cakes, Freya helped to mix her cake, tipped it into the case and ice it, we also enjoyed dancing, lots of movement, jumping on the spot and sitting and standing to Simon Says. Freya actively looked for another child’s hand to hold while dancing then everyone wanted her".
It melted my heart to read her report, one part of me was upset that the child minder got to see and do all of the lovely things with Freya while I was sat in an office but the stronger part of me was glad to know she is happy and settled and perhaps the recent bedtime antics are simply the Terrible Two's surfacing, after all she has just turned two this month. (Another blog entry will follow with birthday celebration updates).
I just reassured myself by saying that I have to work, there is no choice in the matter, I enjoy my job and have to make the most of the quality time together we share which we do. When we arrive home 5:30pm - 18:30pm is play time Monday - Thursday, Thursday mornings I take her to Tiny Talk class before I go to work and then we have all day Friday as Mummy and Freya time before the weekend of full 3 T's family time - there is a good balance there when I see it in writing but an evening like tonight blurred my perspective and made me wonder if I am doing the right thing. I’m certainly not the only parent with this on-going battle in the brain.
I guess I'm just struggling a bit with a health trouble which is not allowing me to see all the good things, it’s that horrible thing which I call the Dreaded D (depression), for years it has sneaked up on me and swallows me whole for a few weeks or even months at a time and although I do try to do the right things to manage it it is still there, always at this time of year plus a few episodes throughout the year too - maybe with the highs have to come lows but this is debilitating at times and something not many people understand, I wouldn't normally talk about it so openly but I think that for anyone who is feeling that way the best thing to do is talk as there is always someone who can listen and help. I will sadly be saying a final farewell to a friend on Friday who didn't feel she had the option to talk or the will to cope.
As I keep saying, tomorrow will be a brighter day and hopefully it will, just got to keep making plans of things to look forward to and remember that I can't plough a field by turning it over in my mind.
I think that calls for bed time,
night night x
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Taking It Easy!
Hello lovely readers,
Once again it has been quite some time that I have had a chance to write, it's been busy times with the usual plate spinning : ) But I have recently been forced to rest due to my back playing up (to put it lightly). If I can't be up and about doing things I can at least put my feet up and do something to occupy my time.
As a bit of insight I thought I'd share how my brain works, its busy and I dont rest easily, I have quite a visual mind and often see myself quite literally juggling the main components of my life - motherhood, relationship, extended family, work, health, home, social life (tres scaled down!) and finances. I used to see each area of life as a bucket and my aim was to ensure that everything was evenly filled - I'd make sure that I was balancing everything correctly, I could see which area's required more attention and I'd be able to see the areas which were doing just fine.
Anyway, a little while back my thought processes became a lot less than orangised and it became more like a circus in my mind, gladly it's not so much like that now. I was striving for perfection in everything but its just not possible I now realise. Maybe now that I’m thinking more rationally I can see that I didn't really HAVE to do half the things I thought I had to - cleaning the front door and path at 10pm on a Monday after coming home from work, cooking dinner (twice), cleaning, bathing and putting Freya to bed is probably one of those things I didn't really have to do! The score goes - Anxiety 0 - 1 Amy, thankfully its in much better check now and I'm being just as productive yet much calmer, I am still trying out this pretty new thing to me though, it’s called - TAKING IT EASY!!!
It's actually not the easiest thing to do but I have little choice at the moment because my back pain made a devilish return a few months ago. I am actually pretty fed up of talking about it and feeling it but its so flippin' consuming there’s not much room for anything else to think about!
I have scoliosis which means I have a curved spine and its compressing my nerves, pretty horrid really but I had the great news today that I will be receiving facet joint injections again on 13th September at 5:30pm to be precise - and yes, I am counting down the days as that means 12 months living pain free!
It's been a hard 6 month since the pain returned, I don't want Freya to miss out on things because of my problem or for my work to be affected so I have been carrying on as normal but today I reached a bit of a melting point where I've admitted defeat and will rest until I'm fixed. It's ever so frustrating because I want to be the best mum to Freya, I enjoy my job and want to be there for my team and but sitting, standing and walking are all incredibly difficult at the moment.
Getting my back fixed so I can live the life that my mind wants to means I'll close the circus and re-fill the buckets - that’s my aim, I might have to give the skydive a miss in this life time but I'm a Piscean, a dreamer – and I can see a healthy happy person at the end of this! In darker times I see myself in a wheelchair which isn't great, neither is the numbness in my legs but I am doing all I can to remain positive.
I have to say a special thanks to Graham who has been really supportive this weekend by enabling me to rest, looking after Freya and doing little things to brighten the days up, its all really appreciated as I know what a grumpy so-and-so I can be when I'm unwell. Queue feelings of guilt.
On a side note, I think having a little artistic outburst and a chat with my friend Sara at her art workshop (Reclamation) for an hour yesterday helped, it really lifted my spirits and reminded me to keep in touch with my creative side; I loved using crayons to express my take on life as a mum!
So until 13th Sept its rest, rest and more rest. With research on the Alexander technique to improve my posture and booking Pilates classes too. Until next time, that’s bye for now! Ax
Once again it has been quite some time that I have had a chance to write, it's been busy times with the usual plate spinning : ) But I have recently been forced to rest due to my back playing up (to put it lightly). If I can't be up and about doing things I can at least put my feet up and do something to occupy my time.
As a bit of insight I thought I'd share how my brain works, its busy and I dont rest easily, I have quite a visual mind and often see myself quite literally juggling the main components of my life - motherhood, relationship, extended family, work, health, home, social life (tres scaled down!) and finances. I used to see each area of life as a bucket and my aim was to ensure that everything was evenly filled - I'd make sure that I was balancing everything correctly, I could see which area's required more attention and I'd be able to see the areas which were doing just fine.
Anyway, a little while back my thought processes became a lot less than orangised and it became more like a circus in my mind, gladly it's not so much like that now. I was striving for perfection in everything but its just not possible I now realise. Maybe now that I’m thinking more rationally I can see that I didn't really HAVE to do half the things I thought I had to - cleaning the front door and path at 10pm on a Monday after coming home from work, cooking dinner (twice), cleaning, bathing and putting Freya to bed is probably one of those things I didn't really have to do! The score goes - Anxiety 0 - 1 Amy, thankfully its in much better check now and I'm being just as productive yet much calmer, I am still trying out this pretty new thing to me though, it’s called - TAKING IT EASY!!!
It's actually not the easiest thing to do but I have little choice at the moment because my back pain made a devilish return a few months ago. I am actually pretty fed up of talking about it and feeling it but its so flippin' consuming there’s not much room for anything else to think about!
I have scoliosis which means I have a curved spine and its compressing my nerves, pretty horrid really but I had the great news today that I will be receiving facet joint injections again on 13th September at 5:30pm to be precise - and yes, I am counting down the days as that means 12 months living pain free!
It's been a hard 6 month since the pain returned, I don't want Freya to miss out on things because of my problem or for my work to be affected so I have been carrying on as normal but today I reached a bit of a melting point where I've admitted defeat and will rest until I'm fixed. It's ever so frustrating because I want to be the best mum to Freya, I enjoy my job and want to be there for my team and but sitting, standing and walking are all incredibly difficult at the moment.
Getting my back fixed so I can live the life that my mind wants to means I'll close the circus and re-fill the buckets - that’s my aim, I might have to give the skydive a miss in this life time but I'm a Piscean, a dreamer – and I can see a healthy happy person at the end of this! In darker times I see myself in a wheelchair which isn't great, neither is the numbness in my legs but I am doing all I can to remain positive.
I have to say a special thanks to Graham who has been really supportive this weekend by enabling me to rest, looking after Freya and doing little things to brighten the days up, its all really appreciated as I know what a grumpy so-and-so I can be when I'm unwell. Queue feelings of guilt.
On a side note, I think having a little artistic outburst and a chat with my friend Sara at her art workshop (Reclamation) for an hour yesterday helped, it really lifted my spirits and reminded me to keep in touch with my creative side; I loved using crayons to express my take on life as a mum!
So until 13th Sept its rest, rest and more rest. With research on the Alexander technique to improve my posture and booking Pilates classes too. Until next time, that’s bye for now! Ax
Sunday, 18 March 2012
It's Mothers Day and here's an 18 month update on Freya's development
Hello dear readers : )
My goodness I haven't written a blog update in quite a while but what I have been keeping is a little log about Freyas development so let me share this with you!
Before I do that, I'd just like to say I had a lovely mothers day - breakfast in bed and a roast dinner with all the Taylors at home, it was fab! I feel blessed that Freya makes this day a happy one!
So lets have a look at Freyas 18 month development
Actions:
- Can walk (15 months, little late starter!)
- Shakes hands if you say "hello Freya, nice to meet you" (16 months)
- Nods head for yes, shakes head for no.
- Gives a high five
- Babbles on the telephone / says hi and bye
- Brushes hair
- Brushes teeth
- Puts a finger to her lips and says Shhh (mostly after tucking teddies up to sleep!)
- Strums the guitar when handed a plectrum, plucks if not
- claps hands
- throws a ball
- climbs the stairs (supervised of course!)
- gets down safely
- Fetches objects such as books, remote, slippers, socks etc when asked
- Wiggles her nose when prompted
- Dances to music
- Feeds herself using a spoon and fork (10 months for spooning yoghurt)
- Puts sunglasses on and looks in mirror then puts glasses on us and points for us to look in the mirror.
- Knows her own reflection (around 10 months)
- Shares
- Hugs and kisses all cuddly toys
- Tries to dress herself and teddies
Every Thursday we go to Tiny Talk sign language classes where we learn British Sign Language to aid with communication before words can be spoken. We have been going since Freya was 15 months old and she can do the following signs:
- Milk (and says mik)
- Food / eat
- Raisins
- Drink,( and says dink)
- All gone ( says gone)
- Baby (says baba)
- Nappy
- Cold (says col)
- Hat (says ha)
- Play
- Phone
- Book
- House
- Teeth (says teee)
- Sleep / Bed
- Car ( says vroom)
- Grass
- Plane
- Rain
- Bird
- Cat
- Dog
- Duck (says quack)
- Lion (can roar)
- Giraffe
- Pig
Some other spoken words:
- Mamma
- Dadda
- Hot
- what's this?
- Oggy (for dog)
- Shoe
- Cat
Getting dressed - if I ask her to, Freya can do the following
- Places leggings over her legs / Places socks over her feet / Puts one arm in a cardigan - at least she's beginning to understand where the clothing items go!
- Tries to take coat off when I ask her to
- Puts a hat on
- Gets her shoes when I say it's time to go outside
Play time:
- Kisses, cuddles, tries to feed and gives her dummy to teddies
- Plays peek-a-boo
- pulls funny faces
- Stacks 3-4 wooden blocks
- Holds pencils and crayons properly to scribble (on everything!!)
- draws lines and circles (circles are a new thing!)
- Pretends to play her guitar
- knows the actions to "round and round garden", "wind the bobbin up", twinkle twinkle" and more recently she has been learning "head, shoulders, knees and toes" to which she can get some of the actions right.
Following instructions:
- Points to relatives named in photographs (11 months - mum and dad, can now show uncles, grandparents and my friend Karen)
- Put arms in the air
- Stand up
- Spin around
- Sit down
- Get a book / dummy / blanket / spoon / nappy / sun glasses / toys
- Points to her head, nose, eyes, ears, tummy, feet, knees, teeth, tongue, mouth
- Lays down when told to sleep - I miss the days when I'd cuddle her to sleep, now Freya points to the cot when she's ready to be put in!
Freya knows the following objects, she points to them when asked to in a book:
- Socks
- Trousers
- Plane
- Duck
- Baby
- Shoes
- Ball
- Bunny
- Fish
- Brush
- Potty
- Bath
- Slippers
- Teddy
- Book
- Cot
- Grapes
- Broccoli
- Banana
- Carrots
- Tomato
- Tree
- Butterfly
- Dress
- Hat
- Horse
- Pig
- Cow
She is the most awesome little person and I love her very much! X
My goodness I haven't written a blog update in quite a while but what I have been keeping is a little log about Freyas development so let me share this with you!
Before I do that, I'd just like to say I had a lovely mothers day - breakfast in bed and a roast dinner with all the Taylors at home, it was fab! I feel blessed that Freya makes this day a happy one!
So lets have a look at Freyas 18 month development
Actions:
- Can walk (15 months, little late starter!)
- Shakes hands if you say "hello Freya, nice to meet you" (16 months)
- Nods head for yes, shakes head for no.
- Gives a high five
- Babbles on the telephone / says hi and bye
- Brushes hair
- Brushes teeth
- Puts a finger to her lips and says Shhh (mostly after tucking teddies up to sleep!)
- Strums the guitar when handed a plectrum, plucks if not
- claps hands
- throws a ball
- climbs the stairs (supervised of course!)
- gets down safely
- Fetches objects such as books, remote, slippers, socks etc when asked
- Wiggles her nose when prompted
- Dances to music
- Feeds herself using a spoon and fork (10 months for spooning yoghurt)
- Puts sunglasses on and looks in mirror then puts glasses on us and points for us to look in the mirror.
- Knows her own reflection (around 10 months)
- Shares
- Hugs and kisses all cuddly toys
- Tries to dress herself and teddies
Every Thursday we go to Tiny Talk sign language classes where we learn British Sign Language to aid with communication before words can be spoken. We have been going since Freya was 15 months old and she can do the following signs:
- Milk (and says mik)
- Food / eat
- Raisins
- Drink,( and says dink)
- All gone ( says gone)
- Baby (says baba)
- Nappy
- Cold (says col)
- Hat (says ha)
- Play
- Phone
- Book
- House
- Teeth (says teee)
- Sleep / Bed
- Car ( says vroom)
- Grass
- Plane
- Rain
- Bird
- Cat
- Dog
- Duck (says quack)
- Lion (can roar)
- Giraffe
- Pig
Some other spoken words:
- Mamma
- Dadda
- Hot
- what's this?
- Oggy (for dog)
- Shoe
- Cat
Getting dressed - if I ask her to, Freya can do the following
- Places leggings over her legs / Places socks over her feet / Puts one arm in a cardigan - at least she's beginning to understand where the clothing items go!
- Tries to take coat off when I ask her to
- Puts a hat on
- Gets her shoes when I say it's time to go outside
Play time:
- Kisses, cuddles, tries to feed and gives her dummy to teddies
- Plays peek-a-boo
- pulls funny faces
- Stacks 3-4 wooden blocks
- Holds pencils and crayons properly to scribble (on everything!!)
- draws lines and circles (circles are a new thing!)
- Pretends to play her guitar
- knows the actions to "round and round garden", "wind the bobbin up", twinkle twinkle" and more recently she has been learning "head, shoulders, knees and toes" to which she can get some of the actions right.
Following instructions:
- Points to relatives named in photographs (11 months - mum and dad, can now show uncles, grandparents and my friend Karen)
- Put arms in the air
- Stand up
- Spin around
- Sit down
- Get a book / dummy / blanket / spoon / nappy / sun glasses / toys
- Points to her head, nose, eyes, ears, tummy, feet, knees, teeth, tongue, mouth
- Lays down when told to sleep - I miss the days when I'd cuddle her to sleep, now Freya points to the cot when she's ready to be put in!
Freya knows the following objects, she points to them when asked to in a book:
- Socks
- Trousers
- Plane
- Duck
- Baby
- Shoes
- Ball
- Bunny
- Fish
- Brush
- Potty
- Bath
- Slippers
- Teddy
- Book
- Cot
- Grapes
- Broccoli
- Banana
- Carrots
- Tomato
- Tree
- Butterfly
- Dress
- Hat
- Horse
- Pig
- Cow
She is the most awesome little person and I love her very much! X
Thursday, 8 September 2011
It's been a while!
Hello there!
What can I say except I’m surprised 3 months have passed since I had the chance to sit back, relax and write! What once was a daily past time seems to be something I long to do now.
I know it’s mostly only my little rambles but everything seems better when I put pen to paper. It seems nowadays the only things I write are lists! Shopping lists, housework lists, work lists, errand lists…. The list goes on but if someone asked me to write my wish list I would have to say that the boxes have been ticked. The film The Notebook has a lot to answer for, it inspired me to document the twists, turns and the journey of life but I think its my OCD’s fault for the list making!
As busy as it is I think I’ve reached my ‘happy place’ I have a wonderful family around us being a great support as Graham and I raise Freya, we live in a nice home, have good friends and I have landed a dream job but of course, being me, I sometimes feel unsettled, like someone’s going to sweep the rug from beneath my feet and it’ll all come crumbling down. All I can do is try my hardest to keep everything as good as it can be and perhaps take a little time out to relax too (I’m struggling with that part at the moment.)
Moving on, this is a pretty momentous week as our darling little daughter reached her 1st birthday milestone on Monday 5th September! I don’t usually struggle with words but its hard to summarise exactly how becoming a parent and raising a child for the first year has felt. Every stage of Freya’s development has brought us a new experience, an abundance of unconditional love and well to be honest, not a great amount of sleep!
Freya has a brilliant personality shining through and I love that I get to play with her and see her smiles and listen to her cheeky giggle. Pee-a-boo is still a favourite although she calls the shots now when she lifts her bib over her face and then reappears with a mischievous look on her face, as she repeats over and over we laugh almost as loud as each other!
When I think of Freya I think about how much happiness she has brought us, how gorgeous her blue eyes are, how lovely her cuddles feel, how exciting it is to be teaching her new things, how rewarding it is when she does something new or reacts to a prompt such as touching her head or nose, just today Freya managed to get the co-ordination right for spoon feeding herself breakfast although she much prefers shoving handfuls of cheerios in! Freya has been cruising around the furniture and walking while holding hands for a while now but she’s yet to go solo, she can say a handful of words which come out randomly most of the time but the most memorable baby babble happened last week when Graham entered the kitchen and she said ‘Hi Dad!’ A proud Daddy moment indeed!
I think that’s all from me for now, time to get tucked up and go to beddie byes too. I wont leave it so long next time : ) I still have to tell you all about how we celebrated Freya's 1st Birthday!
x
What can I say except I’m surprised 3 months have passed since I had the chance to sit back, relax and write! What once was a daily past time seems to be something I long to do now.
I know it’s mostly only my little rambles but everything seems better when I put pen to paper. It seems nowadays the only things I write are lists! Shopping lists, housework lists, work lists, errand lists…. The list goes on but if someone asked me to write my wish list I would have to say that the boxes have been ticked. The film The Notebook has a lot to answer for, it inspired me to document the twists, turns and the journey of life but I think its my OCD’s fault for the list making!
As busy as it is I think I’ve reached my ‘happy place’ I have a wonderful family around us being a great support as Graham and I raise Freya, we live in a nice home, have good friends and I have landed a dream job but of course, being me, I sometimes feel unsettled, like someone’s going to sweep the rug from beneath my feet and it’ll all come crumbling down. All I can do is try my hardest to keep everything as good as it can be and perhaps take a little time out to relax too (I’m struggling with that part at the moment.)
Moving on, this is a pretty momentous week as our darling little daughter reached her 1st birthday milestone on Monday 5th September! I don’t usually struggle with words but its hard to summarise exactly how becoming a parent and raising a child for the first year has felt. Every stage of Freya’s development has brought us a new experience, an abundance of unconditional love and well to be honest, not a great amount of sleep!
Freya has a brilliant personality shining through and I love that I get to play with her and see her smiles and listen to her cheeky giggle. Pee-a-boo is still a favourite although she calls the shots now when she lifts her bib over her face and then reappears with a mischievous look on her face, as she repeats over and over we laugh almost as loud as each other!
When I think of Freya I think about how much happiness she has brought us, how gorgeous her blue eyes are, how lovely her cuddles feel, how exciting it is to be teaching her new things, how rewarding it is when she does something new or reacts to a prompt such as touching her head or nose, just today Freya managed to get the co-ordination right for spoon feeding herself breakfast although she much prefers shoving handfuls of cheerios in! Freya has been cruising around the furniture and walking while holding hands for a while now but she’s yet to go solo, she can say a handful of words which come out randomly most of the time but the most memorable baby babble happened last week when Graham entered the kitchen and she said ‘Hi Dad!’ A proud Daddy moment indeed!
I think that’s all from me for now, time to get tucked up and go to beddie byes too. I wont leave it so long next time : ) I still have to tell you all about how we celebrated Freya's 1st Birthday!
x
Saturday, 18 June 2011
9 Months In, 9 Months Out!
Hello! Its June 2011 and Freya is now 9 months old, its funny top think she has been in my life for a year and half already, albeit with half of that time spent in my tummy!
She's such a ray of sunshine and as each day passes I'm learning more about her as she develops, especially this cheeky sense of personality she is already showing! Every time she goes to do something she shouldn't (like pull all of the DVD's and computer games off the shelf) she turns around to check if the coast is clear for her to get up to mischief!
I've been trying to master my disciplined 'no' tone but can't help but laugh as she experiments with the boundaries - something which I'm sure will soon wear thin as she tries to stuff a sandwich in the DVD player or something! Every time I try to change her nappy and clothes it feels like a wrestling match as she wriggles away from me oh and anyone would think World War 3 is happening as I try to put her into the car seat, she goes stiff as an ironing board and throws her head back, tries to let out a wail but laughs - I didn't know babies threw tantrums up until now!
On a very positive note she has gone back to sleeping through the night which has made a massive improvement on lots of things but mainly my sanity to be honest! I just had to break the routine of going into the nursery every time she cried for attention. It was hard at first but after a pretty short space of time she understood that she had to settle herself.
And I know that every parent says just how bight their child is but I really do feel grateful that Freya may have inherited her father's brains. She's very communicative and is pretty alert. Freya waves when people enter the room and say hello or goodbye, she claps her hands together, can point at my nose and head when asked and can use baby sign language for 'milk'. It's great being my daughters first teacher! Daddy can definitely help out with her Maths homework when the time comes though!
It's Graham's first Fathers Day tomorrow. I know that Freya can't quite tell him how much she loves him in words just yet but the bond between them is just lovely. Freya has brought out a really openly affectionate side to Graham and she loves nothing more than hanging out with Daddy and pulling out all her tricks to keep him entertained! I couldn't have chosen a better person to have our wonderful daughter with : )
On the work front, things have taken a different path! I still be working in a job that I'm passionate about (Recruitment) however I won't be going it alone any more, oh no, I'm going back to a company I know and love being a part of and that's Oracle. I will only be working 3 days a week and one of those will be at home, I feel happy that a nice balance has been struck without jeopardising my number one priority.
Well, my time is up, Freya has just woken from her nap, let the fun and games of being on my toes again begin! It all changes pretty rapidly once they get mobile!
xx
She's such a ray of sunshine and as each day passes I'm learning more about her as she develops, especially this cheeky sense of personality she is already showing! Every time she goes to do something she shouldn't (like pull all of the DVD's and computer games off the shelf) she turns around to check if the coast is clear for her to get up to mischief!
I've been trying to master my disciplined 'no' tone but can't help but laugh as she experiments with the boundaries - something which I'm sure will soon wear thin as she tries to stuff a sandwich in the DVD player or something! Every time I try to change her nappy and clothes it feels like a wrestling match as she wriggles away from me oh and anyone would think World War 3 is happening as I try to put her into the car seat, she goes stiff as an ironing board and throws her head back, tries to let out a wail but laughs - I didn't know babies threw tantrums up until now!
On a very positive note she has gone back to sleeping through the night which has made a massive improvement on lots of things but mainly my sanity to be honest! I just had to break the routine of going into the nursery every time she cried for attention. It was hard at first but after a pretty short space of time she understood that she had to settle herself.
And I know that every parent says just how bight their child is but I really do feel grateful that Freya may have inherited her father's brains. She's very communicative and is pretty alert. Freya waves when people enter the room and say hello or goodbye, she claps her hands together, can point at my nose and head when asked and can use baby sign language for 'milk'. It's great being my daughters first teacher! Daddy can definitely help out with her Maths homework when the time comes though!
It's Graham's first Fathers Day tomorrow. I know that Freya can't quite tell him how much she loves him in words just yet but the bond between them is just lovely. Freya has brought out a really openly affectionate side to Graham and she loves nothing more than hanging out with Daddy and pulling out all her tricks to keep him entertained! I couldn't have chosen a better person to have our wonderful daughter with : )
On the work front, things have taken a different path! I still be working in a job that I'm passionate about (Recruitment) however I won't be going it alone any more, oh no, I'm going back to a company I know and love being a part of and that's Oracle. I will only be working 3 days a week and one of those will be at home, I feel happy that a nice balance has been struck without jeopardising my number one priority.
Well, my time is up, Freya has just woken from her nap, let the fun and games of being on my toes again begin! It all changes pretty rapidly once they get mobile!
xx
Thursday, 5 May 2011
Our lovely little baby is 8 months old already!
Wow – where has the time gone? A phrase I keep on hearing myself say but it is so true! Today our beautiful bundle of joy has turned 8 months old!
Freya has a lovely little personality shining through – she knows exactly what to do to make Mummy and Daddy laugh! Blowing raspberries is a favourite of mine! As I sat in the nursery a few nights ago giving her a nice cuddle and some milk she fell asleep in my arms, I love watching her lay there so content and peaceful so I stayed for a while before laying her down in her cot. Just as I moved to get up she grumbled a little but then even in her sleepy little state she blew a raspberry! I had to try and contain my laughter not to fully wake her! They say all good things come in small packages and that’s certainly true in the case of babies!
Another big development for Freya is her ability to move! She’s not exactly crawling but she shuffles along using her arms and legs, the stair gate has now been put up in the living room after realising that she can shuffle out onto the landing! She also waves hello and goodbye (and just randomly too!)
Freya is also very much enjoying new tastes as we go further with the weaning stage. After getting Freya used to some pureed foods made by Ella’s Kitchen I grew a little more confident to make my own. So off to Mothercare I went in search of a suitable gadget and I returned with the Beaba Baby Cook steamer and blender.
For some funny reason I have a bit of a strange relationship with food. I love cooking and trying new food but I don’t like eating alone and as I don’t have much of an appetite especially if something is on my mind, I sometimes forget to eat – sounds silly doesn’t it! So instilling a good healthy food plan and routine for Freya is really important.
So off I go preparing a trio of root veggies and chicken for Freya’s first home made meal, I loved the whole process…. But my happy feelings changed when Freya spat out the dinner I made for her, not in a normal way of pulling facings as she gets used to it, she really didn’t like my food. I took it to heart – what a silly sausage! Slightly deflated and unimpressed but I’m keeping up the cooking and it seems to be getting better, Freya loves Plaice in a creamy sauce with carrots and broccoli. And she is happy to munch on pretty much any steamed veg, especially asparagus.
It’s been really great not being in so much pain with my back as I’ve been out and about more, enjoying weekly visits to the library for Rhyme Time and coffee with the Mummy’s. I also took Freya swimming with Helen and Ben and have enjoyed a couple of trips round the garden centre with Nana T. April saw the celebration of Grandad Taylor turning 75 when we all went to the Lock Fyne for dinner.
The preparation to launching my recruitment business is going well – fail to plan and you will plan to fail! With this in mind I’ve been busy putting together a 3 year business plan. Its all very exciting and daunting but I hope it’s the answer to being able to juggle being a young working mum. Watch this space as we see the development of my other baby lets say!!
xx
Freya has a lovely little personality shining through – she knows exactly what to do to make Mummy and Daddy laugh! Blowing raspberries is a favourite of mine! As I sat in the nursery a few nights ago giving her a nice cuddle and some milk she fell asleep in my arms, I love watching her lay there so content and peaceful so I stayed for a while before laying her down in her cot. Just as I moved to get up she grumbled a little but then even in her sleepy little state she blew a raspberry! I had to try and contain my laughter not to fully wake her! They say all good things come in small packages and that’s certainly true in the case of babies!
Another big development for Freya is her ability to move! She’s not exactly crawling but she shuffles along using her arms and legs, the stair gate has now been put up in the living room after realising that she can shuffle out onto the landing! She also waves hello and goodbye (and just randomly too!)
Freya is also very much enjoying new tastes as we go further with the weaning stage. After getting Freya used to some pureed foods made by Ella’s Kitchen I grew a little more confident to make my own. So off to Mothercare I went in search of a suitable gadget and I returned with the Beaba Baby Cook steamer and blender.
For some funny reason I have a bit of a strange relationship with food. I love cooking and trying new food but I don’t like eating alone and as I don’t have much of an appetite especially if something is on my mind, I sometimes forget to eat – sounds silly doesn’t it! So instilling a good healthy food plan and routine for Freya is really important.
So off I go preparing a trio of root veggies and chicken for Freya’s first home made meal, I loved the whole process…. But my happy feelings changed when Freya spat out the dinner I made for her, not in a normal way of pulling facings as she gets used to it, she really didn’t like my food. I took it to heart – what a silly sausage! Slightly deflated and unimpressed but I’m keeping up the cooking and it seems to be getting better, Freya loves Plaice in a creamy sauce with carrots and broccoli. And she is happy to munch on pretty much any steamed veg, especially asparagus.
It’s been really great not being in so much pain with my back as I’ve been out and about more, enjoying weekly visits to the library for Rhyme Time and coffee with the Mummy’s. I also took Freya swimming with Helen and Ben and have enjoyed a couple of trips round the garden centre with Nana T. April saw the celebration of Grandad Taylor turning 75 when we all went to the Lock Fyne for dinner.
The preparation to launching my recruitment business is going well – fail to plan and you will plan to fail! With this in mind I’ve been busy putting together a 3 year business plan. Its all very exciting and daunting but I hope it’s the answer to being able to juggle being a young working mum. Watch this space as we see the development of my other baby lets say!!
xx
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
Moody March!
Well, what can I say except I'm glad that the month of March is out of the way since it wasn't exactly a happy time for me with being crippled by pain with a bad back - the result of having scoliosis and lot of pressure since being pregnant and giving birth. I don't want to drone on about it as since having spinal injections I'm feeling a lot better but one thing I want to mention is how lucky I feel to have had my wonderful and supportive family to help during a pretty dark month in which I was not just physically unable to function but was also really struck down with a bad bout of depression - it was pretty difficult to manage day to day tasks to say the least!
Now that the big black cloud that hovered over me has lifted its so much easier to talk about it being a very dark time and I guess I just want to acknowledge that it is ok to have down days and speak out for help when you need it - something I'm not very good at doing. I tried to carry on as normal then there came a point where I had to wave the white flag and accept defeat. With lots of love and support from the family, numerous hospital and doctors appointments and regular contact with my councillor I'm now back on track but for anyone who does suffer with anxiety and or depression take a leaf out of BT's book and realise that its good to talk!
But its not all doom and gloom, I have a very exciting future to look forward to as I'm in the process of setting up my own business working as a Recruitment Consultant. Its early days yet (I've registered with HRMC, bought my domain and arranged time to speak with a graphic designer about creating a logo and my website.) But any new mum will tell you just how difficult it is to try and find a work life balance to suit the demands of family and home life - well its just a good job we can multi-task! Even if I just earn half the amount of money I did when working full time I'm happy with that as I will still maintain a healthy amount of time focusing on bringing Freya up - something a price cant be put on!
So watch this space as the pieces of my puzzle are put together and of course for more updates on my wonderful daughters progress!
x
Now that the big black cloud that hovered over me has lifted its so much easier to talk about it being a very dark time and I guess I just want to acknowledge that it is ok to have down days and speak out for help when you need it - something I'm not very good at doing. I tried to carry on as normal then there came a point where I had to wave the white flag and accept defeat. With lots of love and support from the family, numerous hospital and doctors appointments and regular contact with my councillor I'm now back on track but for anyone who does suffer with anxiety and or depression take a leaf out of BT's book and realise that its good to talk!
But its not all doom and gloom, I have a very exciting future to look forward to as I'm in the process of setting up my own business working as a Recruitment Consultant. Its early days yet (I've registered with HRMC, bought my domain and arranged time to speak with a graphic designer about creating a logo and my website.) But any new mum will tell you just how difficult it is to try and find a work life balance to suit the demands of family and home life - well its just a good job we can multi-task! Even if I just earn half the amount of money I did when working full time I'm happy with that as I will still maintain a healthy amount of time focusing on bringing Freya up - something a price cant be put on!
So watch this space as the pieces of my puzzle are put together and of course for more updates on my wonderful daughters progress!
x
Sunday, 27 February 2011
February is a month for Freya’s Firsts!
Updated with pics of Freya enjoying her first taste of carrot, apple and parsnip puree (I can assure you, its yummy though Freya's face may speak differently!!)
My goodness, already, we’re nearing the end of February! I really can’t believe how much my concept of time has gone to kerput! It’s true when they say that sometimes the days seem long but the years are short.
So, with my little Freya Belle Tinkerbelle coming up to 6 months old it has been a joy to see her become more aware of herself, she could have all the toys in the world around her but she would quite happily sit and play with her own feet! We also learned this evening that she likes playing with Daddy’s toes too! One of my favourite times with Freya is when I hold her in front of the long mirror in her nursery and she looks with excitement at the little girl in her bedroom – little does she know it is actually herself but its ever so cute!
This weekend we had a family fun day out and took Freya swimming for the first time, it was great fun being water babies! She looked so perplexed as we put her in a tiny bright pink little zip up wet suit with sea horses on it! And I have to say Daddy was very brave when he held her while she went under water, babies have a reflex which means they wont inhale the water when they’re put under… But while she was under I was even holding my breath! Aww, she looked so natural and calm, it was a brilliant way to spend the day!
Then on Saturday night we went to our friends Jamie and Dawns house for dinner, drinks and a sleepover. They have 3 year old twins, a 5 year old son and two older boys – I loved waking up hearing the house full of little peoples voices and seeing them eating their porridge in PJ’s…. Something tells me Freya wont be an only child if I’m lucky enough to have more we certainly will!
And speaking of porridge, that’s what I’ve started to wean Freya on to and she loves it, its all a little bit confusing to her at first but then after a couple of mouthfuls I think she remembers and begins to enjoy it! When she hits the 6 month mark I’m going to move onto pureed root veggies – I can’t wait to get peeling, steaming, pureeing! 03/03/2011 Ok... 2 days before she's 6 months I tried her on some carrot, apple and pear puree!
This month has also seen Freya with her first cold which wasn’t too great, no mummy and baby clubs for a while and a battle with trying to get the nasal drops as prescribed from the doctor up her nose and not in her eyes, mouth or even ears was quite a challenge! I think I’ve learnt that doing that and clipping her nails are definitely a two-person job! But she’s on the mend and never really faltered in her happy little self so that’s the main thing!
Oh, my next post will probably be about my little adventure which takes place in March, I’m going to the WorkingMums Live seminar in London as its time to start thinking about how I’m going to juggle striking a balance between being a Mumma but also keeping my foot in the business world – I think its very exciting to be a 21st Century Mum!
P.S: By exciting I should also say slightly worrying at times, pretty tired most of the time and full of love for my little fambo ALL of the time!
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
What a difference a year makes!
Hello!
I can't quite believe it but last Saturday (22nd Jan) was exactly 1 year ago to the day that Graham and I found out we were expecting a baby! I remember that evening very clearly as he persuaded me to take a test. I’d done them before and felt disappointed to see the negative result but Graham had joked a couple of times in the past few weeks about the possibility of me expecting as I had started eating more than usual and was late, although having PCOS this wasn’t unusual for me. For peace of mind though before we set off for a friends 30th birthday celebrations in Cardiff the next day we skipped off to Tesco giddy with anticipation to get a test!
I actually thought it was just another negative test result but as I went to put it in the bin I realised it was in fact a positive result! I called Grahams name out, well, it was more of a whisper really, we stood in the kitchen and I told him our news – it took a second to sink in then we hugged and I cried – happy tears of course! So that was the start of our journey to parenthood! And as much as I wanted to keep it quiet until seeing the doctor our friends put two and two together as I stood with a beaming smile on my face and just lemonade in my glass the next day!
So before I move into a whole new chapter in Freya’s development (weaning!) I’m going to take a deep breath and recap on my 5 months of Mummyhood experience!
Parenthood really is a pretty big life changing event – things that mattered to me before don’t even register anymore as my main priority is making sure I have a happy healthy baby and partner (soon to be hubby!). But one thing that has taken all of 4 and a half months to get used to is the change of routine! Maybe its because my Dad was in the Army I’m a stickler for schedules, I don’t know but it’s taken some getting used to! I think I’ve just about cracked it now though – as long as I fill my diary with something to look forward to every day like a Mummy’s and Babies class or seeing family and friends I can relax and enjoy dare I say it… not working! That was the hardest concept to grasp since I’ve worked since being 16, I now understand that I am actually working every day as a Mummy, taking care of Freya, the house, meal times and errands. Its just a different schedule with on-the-job-training!! And I get paid in smiles and cuddles, I especially like the night time ones in the nursery!
However, there were days that lasted forever and all I did was feed, change and soothe Freya, some days I didn’t have a chance to take a shower and other nights I cried when she was inconsolable – later to be found out that she had colic and I had the baby blues – they were a tough few weeks, and I felt pretty alone but once I spoke out to Graham, my Dad and the Health Visitor I realised they were all pretty normal feelings and all I needed was a little structure back.
So I entered the New Year not with a resolution (as I’ve not really been very indulgent in the past 12 months!) but with a view to plan each day with activities and make the most of the weekends by having good quality family time together and enjoying the bond that Freya has created – Our little family x So the next few weeks will see us going to craft days, rhyme time, knitting & crochet lessons and lots of outdoor walks as well as spending plenty of time making yummy dinners for when my Graham gets home from work! And since the advice for weaning seems to be tittering between 4 and 6 months we’re going to start on Saturday 5th February when Freya is exactly 5 months old – meeting half way lets say! I’m sure that with a little bit of help from my Annabel Karmel App and book Freya will be enjoying a flurry of flavours in no time! See you next time with a messy story to tell no doubt!
XxX < The little T family!
I can't quite believe it but last Saturday (22nd Jan) was exactly 1 year ago to the day that Graham and I found out we were expecting a baby! I remember that evening very clearly as he persuaded me to take a test. I’d done them before and felt disappointed to see the negative result but Graham had joked a couple of times in the past few weeks about the possibility of me expecting as I had started eating more than usual and was late, although having PCOS this wasn’t unusual for me. For peace of mind though before we set off for a friends 30th birthday celebrations in Cardiff the next day we skipped off to Tesco giddy with anticipation to get a test!
I actually thought it was just another negative test result but as I went to put it in the bin I realised it was in fact a positive result! I called Grahams name out, well, it was more of a whisper really, we stood in the kitchen and I told him our news – it took a second to sink in then we hugged and I cried – happy tears of course! So that was the start of our journey to parenthood! And as much as I wanted to keep it quiet until seeing the doctor our friends put two and two together as I stood with a beaming smile on my face and just lemonade in my glass the next day!
So before I move into a whole new chapter in Freya’s development (weaning!) I’m going to take a deep breath and recap on my 5 months of Mummyhood experience!
Parenthood really is a pretty big life changing event – things that mattered to me before don’t even register anymore as my main priority is making sure I have a happy healthy baby and partner (soon to be hubby!). But one thing that has taken all of 4 and a half months to get used to is the change of routine! Maybe its because my Dad was in the Army I’m a stickler for schedules, I don’t know but it’s taken some getting used to! I think I’ve just about cracked it now though – as long as I fill my diary with something to look forward to every day like a Mummy’s and Babies class or seeing family and friends I can relax and enjoy dare I say it… not working! That was the hardest concept to grasp since I’ve worked since being 16, I now understand that I am actually working every day as a Mummy, taking care of Freya, the house, meal times and errands. Its just a different schedule with on-the-job-training!! And I get paid in smiles and cuddles, I especially like the night time ones in the nursery!
However, there were days that lasted forever and all I did was feed, change and soothe Freya, some days I didn’t have a chance to take a shower and other nights I cried when she was inconsolable – later to be found out that she had colic and I had the baby blues – they were a tough few weeks, and I felt pretty alone but once I spoke out to Graham, my Dad and the Health Visitor I realised they were all pretty normal feelings and all I needed was a little structure back.
So I entered the New Year not with a resolution (as I’ve not really been very indulgent in the past 12 months!) but with a view to plan each day with activities and make the most of the weekends by having good quality family time together and enjoying the bond that Freya has created – Our little family x So the next few weeks will see us going to craft days, rhyme time, knitting & crochet lessons and lots of outdoor walks as well as spending plenty of time making yummy dinners for when my Graham gets home from work! And since the advice for weaning seems to be tittering between 4 and 6 months we’re going to start on Saturday 5th February when Freya is exactly 5 months old – meeting half way lets say! I’m sure that with a little bit of help from my Annabel Karmel App and book Freya will be enjoying a flurry of flavours in no time! See you next time with a messy story to tell no doubt!
XxX < The little T family!
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Hello Mummyhood!
Hello indeed! I'd love to take this very blissful moment that I've been craving and keep it going forever!! Sitting at the computer nice and fresh in my jim jams with Norah Jones playing sweet music while Freya Belle lays peacefully across my tummy.
The last 7 weeks have been the most incredible - my life has just begun! The day we arrived from hospital I felt brand new! So elated I didn't really know what to do next, I put Freya in her pram for a walk around the park and to Tesco just to collect my thoughts and take in what had just happened 24 hours before!
Even now I'm finding myself stuck for words, not knowing where to start or how to put into words just how amazing this is. I love how starting our own little family has brought the whole family closer together - Grahams mum is the proudest Nana going, my Dad and Michelle (nicknamed Grandad Twedz and Glam-ma) are besotted and my Auntie Elva's knitting needles must have smoke coming off them for the lovely cardigans, hats and blanket that she's made! Everyones hands have been busy, Nana Maureen made a fab cross stitch picture of teddies in a house and her sister Grahams Aunt Barbara made a beautiful embroidered quilt too.
Not having a maternal role model I've read every book and magazine to fuse my brain with all the information I'd ever need on childcare and for the most part its great its common sense but the best thing is trusting my own instincts. Knowing and understanding what my little darling needs by her cries and now as she is much more alert and aware of her surroundings we can interact with facial expressions and mimicking each others sounds! Graham says I must be pleased to finally find someone I can communicate with on the same level as me - the cheeky devil!
Well, my times up for now, little bear wants some grub! x
The last 7 weeks have been the most incredible - my life has just begun! The day we arrived from hospital I felt brand new! So elated I didn't really know what to do next, I put Freya in her pram for a walk around the park and to Tesco just to collect my thoughts and take in what had just happened 24 hours before!
Even now I'm finding myself stuck for words, not knowing where to start or how to put into words just how amazing this is. I love how starting our own little family has brought the whole family closer together - Grahams mum is the proudest Nana going, my Dad and Michelle (nicknamed Grandad Twedz and Glam-ma) are besotted and my Auntie Elva's knitting needles must have smoke coming off them for the lovely cardigans, hats and blanket that she's made! Everyones hands have been busy, Nana Maureen made a fab cross stitch picture of teddies in a house and her sister Grahams Aunt Barbara made a beautiful embroidered quilt too.
Not having a maternal role model I've read every book and magazine to fuse my brain with all the information I'd ever need on childcare and for the most part its great its common sense but the best thing is trusting my own instincts. Knowing and understanding what my little darling needs by her cries and now as she is much more alert and aware of her surroundings we can interact with facial expressions and mimicking each others sounds! Graham says I must be pleased to finally find someone I can communicate with on the same level as me - the cheeky devil!
Well, my times up for now, little bear wants some grub! x
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
See Freya - Granddad Twedz really was cool when you were born!
This is a message from Robbie, a guy that my Dad used to manage on the news of Dad becoming Granddad Twedz at 45!
Well Twedz,
Congratulations on becoming a Grandad! .. but now that you are, you’d wanna start lookin’ and actin’ the part.
You can begin by takin’ that black boot polish outta your hair, no kid wants a Grandad with black hair.. you need to ditch those fancy cuff-links and bright ties as well, ‘cuz grandads that wear bright clothes feel sick inside their heads.. what you need is an old brown over-coat, a pair of tweed trousers, and a paddy cap.. and black socks with your sandals in the summer!
You’d wanna chuck your job as well, no grandchild wants to be told bedtime stories via mind-map and power-point.. Grandads don’t do conference calls, deal reviews, and GOSPA’s.. you’re supposed to be doddering around the kitchen looking for the teapot, pottering over to the shops for tea-bags and sausages, and begging for forgiveness in the church.
..And start carryin’ boiled sweets in your pocket, and bread for the ducks.
Robbie.
Welcome to the World Freya!
On Sunday 5th September, 15 days before her due date Freya went from being a bump to a baby!
Let me tell you the story about her grande entrance! I had braxton hicks (practice contractions) on and off for the last couple of months of my pregnancy so I was used to the feeling but on Thursday 2nd September I woke up with a feeling that Freya's arrival would be soon!
Not wanting to cause any unnecessary panic I casually told my brother's girlfriend Naomi as we walked around Toys R Us that I had been getting more painful and regular braxton hicks, my desire to not cause panic didn't work, I think Naomi was ready to lay me on my back in the pushchair isle and start mopping my brow!
These pains continued but I carried on as usual, Graham had a night out planned on Friday but I asked if he would mind not going 'just in case', so we stayed in and I was kept awake with the niggley irregular and bearable period pain type feelings.
My best friends Karen and Annie managed to persuade Graham and I to go to Reading Pride on Saturday, rather than sitting and waiting we got ready and met them for a fun packed day of catching up with lots of people I hadn't seen in a while, dancing and going on a scary ghost ride! The contractions continued throughout the day, Karen and Annie were a bit cheeky for laughing at me and taking photo's as I breathed through each pain - I'll have to think of my payback method for them telling me to stop being dramatic as they didn't believe I was in the early stages of labour!
Naomi had bought me a plaster cast kit to make an impression of my tummy as a keep sake which I thought was such a lovely idea, that evening Graham and Karen helped make the ever lasting cast of my baby Freya bump, we finished doing that by 10pm and at midnight I started timing the much more regular contractions - that was just so exciting, I knew that things were getting a move on, Graham and I had a big kiss and cuddle giddy with anticipation.
As the contractions increased to a level 7 of my pain threshold I went for a long soak in the bath, the place I always retreat to in pain or just to relax. At about 3am I called the delivery suite to let them know I was in labour and the midwife advised that I take a couple of paracetamol and get some sleep rather than sit up all night timing contractions, you have to be in a pattern of contracting for 1 minute every 3 minutes before going to hospital. at 5am my contractions were lasting for 45 seconds every 4 minutes (and yes, I had stayed up to time them!) I asked Graham to call them, I couldn't stay at home any longer, again the lady said to wait a while longer but I soon convinced them I needed to be seen by someone.
So we grabbed the labour bag and got in the car, laying in the back was really soothing and I calmed down. We were soon at the Royal Berks Hospital, as the midwife examined me I was surprised to learn my cervix was already 4-5cms dilated - bonus I thought I'm halfway there!
I was soon moved into the room with the birthing pool, it was nice and calming with low lighting and aromatherapy oils scenting the room. I had sent Graham home to pick up my medical notes, I can't believe that I had forgotten to pack them and the car seat! By the time he returned I was being told how to use the gas and air, it's a good distraction but by no means did it help relieve the pain.
At about 8am I stupidly asked how much longer does the midwife think it will be, she said by stats it would be about 4pm, hmmm, ever wish you didn't ask a question! An hour later however I was examined again to discover I was already 9cms dilated - hoorah - only 1cm to go!!
Needing change of scenery I got out of the pool and went into a delivery room where my fab Graham massaged my back and gave me wonderful words of encouragement oh and ensured the music was always playing, I remember listening to Band of Horses and Sigur Ros and in the euphoric moment that Freya arrived Kings of Leon were playing - now that's good timing girl!!
I will spare you most of the details of 3rd stage labour but I will tell you the moment I recall which made it all worth it. Although the contractions were painful I didn't feel the need for pain relief, that's until the pushing part but by then it was too late and no matter how much I shouted at the midwife for denying me it I had to do this without.
As it got quite intense I really didn't think I could go on and kept saying 'I can't do this, I really can't do it anymore'... Well that's not the right attitude is it! I looked up and I saw Graham give me a little smile and heard him say we are closer to meeting Freya, and in a quick turn of emotions I said 'yes, I can, I can do this cant I' and as I did both Graham and I cried, I gave it my best and within 10 minutes Freya was born back to back! After 12 hours of established labour at 12:05 our precious girl arrived! We did it!
I wasn't handed Freya straight away as planned but things didn't go entirely to plan at the end, Freya was delivered with the cord around her neck, leg and arm. the next 6 minutes seemed to last a lifetime as Graham hit the crash button and our little girl was resuscitated in front of us, as I always say I have great faith in medical staff, they were looking after our little angel, the worst part was feeling helpless but they did a fab job and after a short while Freya was in Grahams arms and then I had my cuddles!
Would I do it again? Oh yes - 10 times over if I could but for the time being I have the most adorable daughter to love, protect and cherish.
Let me tell you the story about her grande entrance! I had braxton hicks (practice contractions) on and off for the last couple of months of my pregnancy so I was used to the feeling but on Thursday 2nd September I woke up with a feeling that Freya's arrival would be soon!
Not wanting to cause any unnecessary panic I casually told my brother's girlfriend Naomi as we walked around Toys R Us that I had been getting more painful and regular braxton hicks, my desire to not cause panic didn't work, I think Naomi was ready to lay me on my back in the pushchair isle and start mopping my brow!
These pains continued but I carried on as usual, Graham had a night out planned on Friday but I asked if he would mind not going 'just in case', so we stayed in and I was kept awake with the niggley irregular and bearable period pain type feelings.
My best friends Karen and Annie managed to persuade Graham and I to go to Reading Pride on Saturday, rather than sitting and waiting we got ready and met them for a fun packed day of catching up with lots of people I hadn't seen in a while, dancing and going on a scary ghost ride! The contractions continued throughout the day, Karen and Annie were a bit cheeky for laughing at me and taking photo's as I breathed through each pain - I'll have to think of my payback method for them telling me to stop being dramatic as they didn't believe I was in the early stages of labour!
Naomi had bought me a plaster cast kit to make an impression of my tummy as a keep sake which I thought was such a lovely idea, that evening Graham and Karen helped make the ever lasting cast of my baby Freya bump, we finished doing that by 10pm and at midnight I started timing the much more regular contractions - that was just so exciting, I knew that things were getting a move on, Graham and I had a big kiss and cuddle giddy with anticipation.
As the contractions increased to a level 7 of my pain threshold I went for a long soak in the bath, the place I always retreat to in pain or just to relax. At about 3am I called the delivery suite to let them know I was in labour and the midwife advised that I take a couple of paracetamol and get some sleep rather than sit up all night timing contractions, you have to be in a pattern of contracting for 1 minute every 3 minutes before going to hospital. at 5am my contractions were lasting for 45 seconds every 4 minutes (and yes, I had stayed up to time them!) I asked Graham to call them, I couldn't stay at home any longer, again the lady said to wait a while longer but I soon convinced them I needed to be seen by someone.
So we grabbed the labour bag and got in the car, laying in the back was really soothing and I calmed down. We were soon at the Royal Berks Hospital, as the midwife examined me I was surprised to learn my cervix was already 4-5cms dilated - bonus I thought I'm halfway there!
I was soon moved into the room with the birthing pool, it was nice and calming with low lighting and aromatherapy oils scenting the room. I had sent Graham home to pick up my medical notes, I can't believe that I had forgotten to pack them and the car seat! By the time he returned I was being told how to use the gas and air, it's a good distraction but by no means did it help relieve the pain.
At about 8am I stupidly asked how much longer does the midwife think it will be, she said by stats it would be about 4pm, hmmm, ever wish you didn't ask a question! An hour later however I was examined again to discover I was already 9cms dilated - hoorah - only 1cm to go!!
Needing change of scenery I got out of the pool and went into a delivery room where my fab Graham massaged my back and gave me wonderful words of encouragement oh and ensured the music was always playing, I remember listening to Band of Horses and Sigur Ros and in the euphoric moment that Freya arrived Kings of Leon were playing - now that's good timing girl!!
I will spare you most of the details of 3rd stage labour but I will tell you the moment I recall which made it all worth it. Although the contractions were painful I didn't feel the need for pain relief, that's until the pushing part but by then it was too late and no matter how much I shouted at the midwife for denying me it I had to do this without.
As it got quite intense I really didn't think I could go on and kept saying 'I can't do this, I really can't do it anymore'... Well that's not the right attitude is it! I looked up and I saw Graham give me a little smile and heard him say we are closer to meeting Freya, and in a quick turn of emotions I said 'yes, I can, I can do this cant I' and as I did both Graham and I cried, I gave it my best and within 10 minutes Freya was born back to back! After 12 hours of established labour at 12:05 our precious girl arrived! We did it!
I wasn't handed Freya straight away as planned but things didn't go entirely to plan at the end, Freya was delivered with the cord around her neck, leg and arm. the next 6 minutes seemed to last a lifetime as Graham hit the crash button and our little girl was resuscitated in front of us, as I always say I have great faith in medical staff, they were looking after our little angel, the worst part was feeling helpless but they did a fab job and after a short while Freya was in Grahams arms and then I had my cuddles!
Would I do it again? Oh yes - 10 times over if I could but for the time being I have the most adorable daughter to love, protect and cherish.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Data Error?!
I have my 31 week check up with the doctors tomorrow, quite looking forward to it actually as I'm meeting a female practitioner for the first time, I don't think I've ever seen a female doctor, I've never really been bothered by doctors being male, in fact I quite like Mr Dr Dean so tomorrows check will make a change from the norm.
And theres going to be one rather prominent question to ask.....
After cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen and putting a load of washing out I started to prepare myself for the next day, normally just a case of setting out clothes to wear but tonight I had to pack my medical notes for the docs tomorrow.
Well, I thought I'd have a little sit down and read the observations, one of interest to me is that at 10 weeks I was 58kg and the last recorded weight at 25 weeks is 69kg. Also a few notes about various tests to be sent to the lab and the feed back but amongst the paperwork theres also a maternity ultrasound report attached.
So I'm taking a look and its interesting to read what they can evaluate from the ultrasound, They have my EDD by ultrasound (Estimated Due Date) as 20th September which is what we take as Baby Day but theres also EDD by Dates which is 13th Sept thats the date calculated by last period - That will be a very exciting week!!
And there's a checklist for fetal autonomy from head to toe quite literally all observed as normal, brain, face, spine, four chamber view and great vessels, abdominal wall, kidneys and bladder genitalia appears male (up to 98% accuracy)
Did you get the glitch there?!! This paper work says MALE when the sonographer clearly announced to me during my 20 week scan in April that I am having a girl!! We discussed it, a girl, a baby girl, pretty in pink I said and she said yes!
I have not doubt in my mind of knowing that I am prepared to have a little Freya but why the blinking nora do my notes say differently?
So thats going to be the big question on my lips tomorrow and I am going to ask for another scan since I cant believe that one little word in her report so contradicts our whole conversation and experience during my 20 week scan!
And theres going to be one rather prominent question to ask.....
After cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen and putting a load of washing out I started to prepare myself for the next day, normally just a case of setting out clothes to wear but tonight I had to pack my medical notes for the docs tomorrow.
Well, I thought I'd have a little sit down and read the observations, one of interest to me is that at 10 weeks I was 58kg and the last recorded weight at 25 weeks is 69kg. Also a few notes about various tests to be sent to the lab and the feed back but amongst the paperwork theres also a maternity ultrasound report attached.
So I'm taking a look and its interesting to read what they can evaluate from the ultrasound, They have my EDD by ultrasound (Estimated Due Date) as 20th September which is what we take as Baby Day but theres also EDD by Dates which is 13th Sept thats the date calculated by last period - That will be a very exciting week!!
And there's a checklist for fetal autonomy from head to toe quite literally all observed as normal, brain, face, spine, four chamber view and great vessels, abdominal wall, kidneys and bladder genitalia appears male (up to 98% accuracy)
Did you get the glitch there?!! This paper work says MALE when the sonographer clearly announced to me during my 20 week scan in April that I am having a girl!! We discussed it, a girl, a baby girl, pretty in pink I said and she said yes!
I have not doubt in my mind of knowing that I am prepared to have a little Freya but why the blinking nora do my notes say differently?
So thats going to be the big question on my lips tomorrow and I am going to ask for another scan since I cant believe that one little word in her report so contradicts our whole conversation and experience during my 20 week scan!
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Pretty Pink Preparations!
I've never really needed an excuse to go shopping before but my goodness, when you start shopping for little baby clothes the urge for retail therapy grows even stronger!
Before knowing that we are expecting a little girl I found it quite difficult to know what I should be shopping for, not that I disliked any of the neutral clothing but baby stuff in general just wasn't grasping my attention, if anything it added confusion because I would have the gender battle in my head whist looking at the items only to walk away empty handed and bursting with curiosity!
I guess for me it felt like trying to buy a gift for a person I'd never met before. I quite admire the people who like to wait for the surprise but for us it was just as delightful having the surprise part way through the pregnancy! If you haven't already read about when we found out our baby is a girl then maybe you'd like to read 'another peek into mummys tummy' in my archive.
So I skipped out of the hospital and on my way back to work I made a pit stop at Mothercare! Knowing we are having a girl makes me feel that bit closer to getting to know our new addition, I thought what better than buying a pair of pretty pink shoes to mark the moment - all girls love shoes and they symbolise her stepping into our lives, her shoes have been placed with mine and Grahams at the front door, just ready and waiting for her to join us.
On the last May bank holiday monday I was supposed to be working as it was the last day of the financial year - crunch time for ensuring targets had been met but I spoke to my manager on the Sunday and she said that everything seemed under control therefore I may as well have the Monday off. Well, that's fab, everyone likes an unexpected day off but I hadn't really planned to do anything - what better use of time than turning the music room into Freya's nursery!
Once we had relocated Grahams beloved computer and music equipment to the downstairs spare room we had a completely blank canvass to work with, a perfect sized room with a view over looking the park. Off to B&Q we went, as I stood by the colour swatches deliberating over whether to have two contrasting walls or a feature wall Graham came back with a trolley full of paint brushes, masking tape, floor coverings oh and paint! So Dulux Pretty Pink it is then! After quite a few hours of hard work (well, its not easy running up and down two flights of stairs to get water and snacks frequently) the nursery walls were painted and the furniture assembled - I love my Graham so much for all of his hard work and effort that day!
And since then the preparations have continued, all the finishing touches and practical purchases are being ticked off the list as the weeks go by.
One day was made particularly special when my wonderful friends threw us a baby shower - Sunday 20th June. Organised by Karen and Ellie it was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon, Ellie made up a lovely spread of nibbles and the event as held at Karen's new house - or shall I say penthouse apartment! Feeling the need to get into the domesticated demeanour I baked red velvet cupcakes the night before! It was a lovely afternoon and the girls were so generous I was absolutely made up with all of the lovely gifts they had bought Freya. So, a big massive thank you to you girls - I came away from there feeling showered in love (and pink accessories!!)
Our Friend's Kelly and Shaun are also expecting a baby in September, just a week after Freya is due, they have a daughter already called Amelie who at the time was 10 months old. Kellie and Amelie came to my baby shower which was just brilliant - great to swap pregnancy experiences and fab to get some practice in with the coolest little baby going! Amelie's such a happy and beautiful little girl I just kept thinking wow - a few months from now I'll have a gorgeous little girl to call my own too!
Since the dynamics of my social life will change it was reassuring to have the girls under one roof and talking about what life will be like when Freya's here and the different types of activities we will do when we meet up - its just going to be the most fun, challenging and exciting time of my life and I will cherish every moment of it!
Before knowing that we are expecting a little girl I found it quite difficult to know what I should be shopping for, not that I disliked any of the neutral clothing but baby stuff in general just wasn't grasping my attention, if anything it added confusion because I would have the gender battle in my head whist looking at the items only to walk away empty handed and bursting with curiosity!
I guess for me it felt like trying to buy a gift for a person I'd never met before. I quite admire the people who like to wait for the surprise but for us it was just as delightful having the surprise part way through the pregnancy! If you haven't already read about when we found out our baby is a girl then maybe you'd like to read 'another peek into mummys tummy' in my archive.
So I skipped out of the hospital and on my way back to work I made a pit stop at Mothercare! Knowing we are having a girl makes me feel that bit closer to getting to know our new addition, I thought what better than buying a pair of pretty pink shoes to mark the moment - all girls love shoes and they symbolise her stepping into our lives, her shoes have been placed with mine and Grahams at the front door, just ready and waiting for her to join us.
On the last May bank holiday monday I was supposed to be working as it was the last day of the financial year - crunch time for ensuring targets had been met but I spoke to my manager on the Sunday and she said that everything seemed under control therefore I may as well have the Monday off. Well, that's fab, everyone likes an unexpected day off but I hadn't really planned to do anything - what better use of time than turning the music room into Freya's nursery!
Once we had relocated Grahams beloved computer and music equipment to the downstairs spare room we had a completely blank canvass to work with, a perfect sized room with a view over looking the park. Off to B&Q we went, as I stood by the colour swatches deliberating over whether to have two contrasting walls or a feature wall Graham came back with a trolley full of paint brushes, masking tape, floor coverings oh and paint! So Dulux Pretty Pink it is then! After quite a few hours of hard work (well, its not easy running up and down two flights of stairs to get water and snacks frequently) the nursery walls were painted and the furniture assembled - I love my Graham so much for all of his hard work and effort that day!
And since then the preparations have continued, all the finishing touches and practical purchases are being ticked off the list as the weeks go by.
One day was made particularly special when my wonderful friends threw us a baby shower - Sunday 20th June. Organised by Karen and Ellie it was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon, Ellie made up a lovely spread of nibbles and the event as held at Karen's new house - or shall I say penthouse apartment! Feeling the need to get into the domesticated demeanour I baked red velvet cupcakes the night before! It was a lovely afternoon and the girls were so generous I was absolutely made up with all of the lovely gifts they had bought Freya. So, a big massive thank you to you girls - I came away from there feeling showered in love (and pink accessories!!)
Our Friend's Kelly and Shaun are also expecting a baby in September, just a week after Freya is due, they have a daughter already called Amelie who at the time was 10 months old. Kellie and Amelie came to my baby shower which was just brilliant - great to swap pregnancy experiences and fab to get some practice in with the coolest little baby going! Amelie's such a happy and beautiful little girl I just kept thinking wow - a few months from now I'll have a gorgeous little girl to call my own too!
Since the dynamics of my social life will change it was reassuring to have the girls under one roof and talking about what life will be like when Freya's here and the different types of activities we will do when we meet up - its just going to be the most fun, challenging and exciting time of my life and I will cherish every moment of it!
Friday, 18 June 2010
Exhausted at 7am - Energy burst at 7pm!!
I always like to be quite positive and see the happy side of things and I'm not even sure about posting this as its not all smiles but it is the reality of being a little uncomfortable and my intentions are to document my pregnancy so here goes! This was written on Friday 18th June.
It wasn't a nice experience and everything is ok now but I was taken into hospital on Sunday 13th June with severe back and chest pains, they gave me pethadine to ease the pain - not too sure if I will choose that as a method of pain relief in labour since it took me until Wednesday to remember who I am but hey, it did the job and allowed them to run their tests.
Thankfully they ruled out their first diagnosis which was a broken blood vessel in my heart - thank mother nature for that! They gave me tablets to stop acid rising and sitting in my gullet and advised that Freya could have been sitting on a nerve which shocked my system (you're telling me!!) The hospital staff were brilliant and Graham remained so calm throughout, they were going to keep me over night but as the pain had subsided I just wanted to be at home with my Doctor G!
Test results showed that my blood pressure was high and protein was found in a urine sample, I didn't think anything of it at the time, well, I was in cookoo land after all! But when I went to the doctors the following Tuesday protein was still present, its now Friday and I am still waiting for more results as they have been sent to the lab for further examination. What do pee and protein have to do with it I hear you ask? Well, there's a condition called pre-eclampsia which I really hope I do not have but it has been suggested. So until I know for sure I am listening to every call of my body, eating healthily (although it hurts my tummy) and drinking plenty of fluids and resting. It would appear the latter is actually all I have been doing even if my head says otherwise!!
Hence the title! I really need to get a grip of this but I am absolutely exhausted at 7am when the alarm goes off, so much so that I don't even have the energy to get out of bed even if I need a pee I just (try to) roll over and fall back asleep! That's been the pattern this week. Honestly, if I had to evacuate my house in the morning I just couldn't do it! This of course has played havoc with all sense of routine, I just hope that it's a phase and next week will be better. It's getting my mood down but I am just so god damn tired!!!
So, 11am rolls round and I eventually awake, and its like damn, theres no way in the world I would do that normally but its just what's happened the last few days. I went into work on Wednesday afternoon, the kuffuffle of getting two busses and doing the walk in between has certainly given me the kick up the behind to get back on the road, by the time I got to work I was shattered - I had only been awake a couple of hours!!
And on Thursday same thing happened, 7am slum! I then got myself showered and ready to go into work albeit late, I thought oh I'll just have a little sit down, sat on the bed and fell asleep - so that was a right off! ARGGGGHHH!!!
By the time 7pm rolls round I have an energy burst and start to feel productive and less useless but that doesn't last long as I then feel pants for not being able to sleep at a normal bed time of say 10pm, instead I find myself tossing and turning until the small hours of the morning all in a state of pain because of my back... And the cycle turns again! Ohhhh please just be a phase!
It wasn't a nice experience and everything is ok now but I was taken into hospital on Sunday 13th June with severe back and chest pains, they gave me pethadine to ease the pain - not too sure if I will choose that as a method of pain relief in labour since it took me until Wednesday to remember who I am but hey, it did the job and allowed them to run their tests.
Thankfully they ruled out their first diagnosis which was a broken blood vessel in my heart - thank mother nature for that! They gave me tablets to stop acid rising and sitting in my gullet and advised that Freya could have been sitting on a nerve which shocked my system (you're telling me!!) The hospital staff were brilliant and Graham remained so calm throughout, they were going to keep me over night but as the pain had subsided I just wanted to be at home with my Doctor G!
Test results showed that my blood pressure was high and protein was found in a urine sample, I didn't think anything of it at the time, well, I was in cookoo land after all! But when I went to the doctors the following Tuesday protein was still present, its now Friday and I am still waiting for more results as they have been sent to the lab for further examination. What do pee and protein have to do with it I hear you ask? Well, there's a condition called pre-eclampsia which I really hope I do not have but it has been suggested. So until I know for sure I am listening to every call of my body, eating healthily (although it hurts my tummy) and drinking plenty of fluids and resting. It would appear the latter is actually all I have been doing even if my head says otherwise!!
Hence the title! I really need to get a grip of this but I am absolutely exhausted at 7am when the alarm goes off, so much so that I don't even have the energy to get out of bed even if I need a pee I just (try to) roll over and fall back asleep! That's been the pattern this week. Honestly, if I had to evacuate my house in the morning I just couldn't do it! This of course has played havoc with all sense of routine, I just hope that it's a phase and next week will be better. It's getting my mood down but I am just so god damn tired!!!
So, 11am rolls round and I eventually awake, and its like damn, theres no way in the world I would do that normally but its just what's happened the last few days. I went into work on Wednesday afternoon, the kuffuffle of getting two busses and doing the walk in between has certainly given me the kick up the behind to get back on the road, by the time I got to work I was shattered - I had only been awake a couple of hours!!
And on Thursday same thing happened, 7am slum! I then got myself showered and ready to go into work albeit late, I thought oh I'll just have a little sit down, sat on the bed and fell asleep - so that was a right off! ARGGGGHHH!!!
By the time 7pm rolls round I have an energy burst and start to feel productive and less useless but that doesn't last long as I then feel pants for not being able to sleep at a normal bed time of say 10pm, instead I find myself tossing and turning until the small hours of the morning all in a state of pain because of my back... And the cycle turns again! Ohhhh please just be a phase!
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Another little look into mummy's tummy!
Oh, I haven't written in a little while having had lots of things going on! That's not strictly true actually I have been writing all the happenings as they happen in my diary, jounal, notepad or emails but now I need to sum it all up and blog - I know, I'm missing the point of blogging, it should be snippets so here goes, lets talk about the wonderful use of sonography which allows a mother to take a peek at her baby!
The 20 week scan took place on the 28th April 2010, I actually had it done in my 19th week because Graham and I had a holiday booked to Egypt in my 20th week. I also went for this scan on my own as Graham was working in Ireland that day but I didn't mind being on my own, I even made a friend in the waiting room, his name was Gabriel and he was 2 years old with lots of lovely curly hair and a very cute personality! It seemed quite sureal being in a room full of pregnant ladies and partners, some of whom already had little feet present. I just wanted to talk to all of them, ask them how they are feeling, if its their first or just anything really since we all had the very same thing in common but typically British everyone just sat and waited or whispered to their partner once in a while. I was glad to have Gabriel to make funny faces at and listen to his baby talk!
Eventually after an hour and a half of waiting my name was finally called to go into that darkened room where I laid on the bed ready to see my little baby on the monitor again. Oh and what a unique moment it is when the warm jelly was put across my tummy then the sensor rolled over my tummy and the black and white smudgy images appear - the scan lady did a head to toe check and everything seems ok she said as she went down down her checklist, all is well and healthy all the same! Brilliant I thought! And... The sex, I was wondering, what are we having!! The lady said 'oh, your baby is in awkward place, we might not be able to say what sex you will be having'. Now, this worried me a bit as I had been trying to shop for baby things but didn't quite feel I could get anything until I knew what I was having so I panicked a little! I was advised to have a lttle walk then come back in half an hour.
So after a walk around the hospital - might I add, I should really pay more attention in unfamiliar places when I am unaccompanied as I had no idea which direction I was supossed to walk back in and had to ask someone for directions back to the ultrasound place! The scan lady had a better view when I (eventually) returned! The result is the opposite of what I thought but Yippee - we're having a little girl! My own little girl to bake cakes with and go for walks in the park and do finger painting with! We will call our little bundle of joy Freya and the meaning of her name is love and fertility.
She was being a cheeky little nipper too whilst being scanned (oh, like at a checkout counter... beep...) well, she wasn't beeping but she was opening her mouth and sticking her tongue out! She also did a lot of hand to face movements too - she couldn't play hide and seek from us though, I could see her perfectly, that beautiful little baby. Our daughter Freya xxx
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Wardrobe malfunction!!
That's OK but with what top? That fail safe dress - wont zip up! Trousers are okay... with the button undone! And everything else well its just too tight... Not really a statement I'm used to hearing myself say!
Welcome to week 17, that's the week after the week when the staple items in the wardrobe actually fitted! So today my carpet looks like it has a design of clothes scattered all over it, thats all over the bedroom floor, into the study (soon-to-be-nursery) downstairs to the lounge and move down another floor and theres a blouse practically hanging off the kitchen sink! I'm gaining pregnancy weight as I should be in fact I'm now 62kg as per the midwife's scales which measured me last Tuesday and I am feeling fine about it, the problem occurs when I look in my wardrobe and some of the clothes staring back at me look like they would fit a child!
So, note to self and other girls reading this, there is no need to keep anything which is a size 6 - its just not a good size for anyone over 5 foot! I don't actually want to step back into those jeans again and for the trousers that were hiding at the back of my wardrobe being a 8-10, they became useful again for quite a few weeks but it seems only up until this week like a full stop most of my clothes said no room at the seam very suddenly!
Que a neurotic 40 minute flap on a Tuesday morning while getting ready for work trying to remember if the team meeting was at 9:30 or 10:30 and hoping for the latter, in an almighty huff I was trying to pull together something to fit my bottom half, and at last I found it - the plain black trousers from H&M that I have had for years, they went over my hips no problem then just to do them up, ok Huston we have a problem - thank goodness for safety pins, that gave me an extra 2 inches I'd say and there we go, my bottom half was dressed!
Now of course, what top can I wear with a big sparkly safety pin bridging the gap between embarrassment and dignity? Well, a long one would be best, ok, I have lots of those, but its a summery day so I want something cool not knitted. Finally I find suitable combo of layering two tops to hide my mid section and I get myself into work, late though as it was 9:15 by the time I arrived and the meeting was cancelled anyway so by 10am my blood pressure had resumed to normal and I think if spoken to I would talk rather than growl!
Hang on, I didn't think about the twice-an-hour toilet trip I had to make during my working day what with all the faffing around with the safety pin... And then I said to myself, its time for maternity trousers, yes, elasticated waists and everything!
Welcome to week 17, that's the week after the week when the staple items in the wardrobe actually fitted! So today my carpet looks like it has a design of clothes scattered all over it, thats all over the bedroom floor, into the study (soon-to-be-nursery) downstairs to the lounge and move down another floor and theres a blouse practically hanging off the kitchen sink! I'm gaining pregnancy weight as I should be in fact I'm now 62kg as per the midwife's scales which measured me last Tuesday and I am feeling fine about it, the problem occurs when I look in my wardrobe and some of the clothes staring back at me look like they would fit a child!
So, note to self and other girls reading this, there is no need to keep anything which is a size 6 - its just not a good size for anyone over 5 foot! I don't actually want to step back into those jeans again and for the trousers that were hiding at the back of my wardrobe being a 8-10, they became useful again for quite a few weeks but it seems only up until this week like a full stop most of my clothes said no room at the seam very suddenly!
Que a neurotic 40 minute flap on a Tuesday morning while getting ready for work trying to remember if the team meeting was at 9:30 or 10:30 and hoping for the latter, in an almighty huff I was trying to pull together something to fit my bottom half, and at last I found it - the plain black trousers from H&M that I have had for years, they went over my hips no problem then just to do them up, ok Huston we have a problem - thank goodness for safety pins, that gave me an extra 2 inches I'd say and there we go, my bottom half was dressed!
Now of course, what top can I wear with a big sparkly safety pin bridging the gap between embarrassment and dignity? Well, a long one would be best, ok, I have lots of those, but its a summery day so I want something cool not knitted. Finally I find suitable combo of layering two tops to hide my mid section and I get myself into work, late though as it was 9:15 by the time I arrived and the meeting was cancelled anyway so by 10am my blood pressure had resumed to normal and I think if spoken to I would talk rather than growl!
Hang on, I didn't think about the twice-an-hour toilet trip I had to make during my working day what with all the faffing around with the safety pin... And then I said to myself, its time for maternity trousers, yes, elasticated waists and everything!
Monday, 5 April 2010
Thought provoking Portobello
I have just started reading a new book by one of my favourite authors Paulo Coelho its called The Witch of Portobello which just to paint the picture is a story told by people who knew a once religious now a mystical young woman and as the story unfolds the readers thoughts about love, joy, passion and sacrifice are provoked.
The main character Athena was adopted when she was a very young child from Romania, she was brought up with loving parents and she never wanted for anything. She was extremely religious and quite often had visions from the bible which concerned her parents.
By word from the Virgin Mary Athena believed she was destined to become a married mother and discontinue her studies for an engineering degree at a London university for this maternal energy was asking her to have a child so that she could give the child the kind of love and protection her own birth mother had failed to do. In parts the book references the miracle of creation and the strength of the loving bond that a mother feels for their child which got me thinking about my own mother-daughter relationship.
This kind of subject always bothers me since I was rejected by my mother after my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. For years up until I was 19 and before I had seen a very good councillor I had granted my mum forgiveness for the emotional and physical abuse she put upon me but now I know right from wrong and what my mum did to me is wrong and in my heart of hearts now that I know I don’t have to I will never give that woman the forgiveness for hurting me, mind you, I don’t even know if she craves the acceptance as it’s a subject never to be spoken about. Maybe that’s why I am so vocal about my experience now, no-one needs to suffer silently.
My councillors have heard me tell her of the numerous occasions where mum had bruised my young skin and brainwashed my mind into telling me its my dads fault she does it, and even after the time she put me into hospital after giving me such a beasting while blood poured from my nose and I ached all over from what felt like I was being punched for hours she was saying my dad wont even have me as she packed my bags, to send me where I had no idea!
I ran to my neighbours house who called the Police, while questions were being asked I was sat on her lap while she lied saying I did it to myself as I was being bullied in my new school which was bullshit. I told the truth about every moment of that terrible night when being video recorded by the social services, it’s a wonder how they let me as an 8 year old girl step foot back in that house but they did, as I was lead to believe I had no other place I guess I had to settle with that as my abode.
Because this was a taboo subject I have never asked her why she thought Dad didn’t want me and because of this when Dad asked me if I wanted to live with him I always said no because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience, I just found out when aged 22 my Dad fought his hardest to take me away from my mum but because at the time Dad only had a one bedroom flat I had to stay with my abusive evil mother in the 4 bedroom house which was once a family home. A cardboard box would have been sufficient to not have to relive all these memories.
But then in the back of my mind I thought the more time I spent in my mums house meant that maybe one day she would change and welcome me in with open arms but difficult as it was I told my mum when I was 14 that I was moving out to live with my Dad, my Dad who gets both a fathers day and a mothers day card for being the strength of two parents in one, he has never failed in giving his 3 children the love, safety and protection a child needs from their guardian. My mum has gone on to have another 3 children, I can only hope she does a better job this time round for their sakes and if not, I will be there ready to rescue them.
The feelings of joy I get when I see and hear happy children living their childhood makes me wonder how any external factor on this planet could ever make a woman cause her child such unnecessary pain, but now I just have to think at least I know I can live safe in the knowledge that my children will never fall short of feeling all the love that comes from my heart in a safe and stable family environment. For one reason or another my mother didn’t provide me with the unconditional love a parent should do as mentioned in the book but that just makes the love for my own grow stronger as I know how powerful love is and our child will always know that their home is the safest place with all the love they will ever wish for from Graham and I.
The main character Athena was adopted when she was a very young child from Romania, she was brought up with loving parents and she never wanted for anything. She was extremely religious and quite often had visions from the bible which concerned her parents.
By word from the Virgin Mary Athena believed she was destined to become a married mother and discontinue her studies for an engineering degree at a London university for this maternal energy was asking her to have a child so that she could give the child the kind of love and protection her own birth mother had failed to do. In parts the book references the miracle of creation and the strength of the loving bond that a mother feels for their child which got me thinking about my own mother-daughter relationship.
This kind of subject always bothers me since I was rejected by my mother after my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. For years up until I was 19 and before I had seen a very good councillor I had granted my mum forgiveness for the emotional and physical abuse she put upon me but now I know right from wrong and what my mum did to me is wrong and in my heart of hearts now that I know I don’t have to I will never give that woman the forgiveness for hurting me, mind you, I don’t even know if she craves the acceptance as it’s a subject never to be spoken about. Maybe that’s why I am so vocal about my experience now, no-one needs to suffer silently.
My councillors have heard me tell her of the numerous occasions where mum had bruised my young skin and brainwashed my mind into telling me its my dads fault she does it, and even after the time she put me into hospital after giving me such a beasting while blood poured from my nose and I ached all over from what felt like I was being punched for hours she was saying my dad wont even have me as she packed my bags, to send me where I had no idea!
I ran to my neighbours house who called the Police, while questions were being asked I was sat on her lap while she lied saying I did it to myself as I was being bullied in my new school which was bullshit. I told the truth about every moment of that terrible night when being video recorded by the social services, it’s a wonder how they let me as an 8 year old girl step foot back in that house but they did, as I was lead to believe I had no other place I guess I had to settle with that as my abode.
Because this was a taboo subject I have never asked her why she thought Dad didn’t want me and because of this when Dad asked me if I wanted to live with him I always said no because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience, I just found out when aged 22 my Dad fought his hardest to take me away from my mum but because at the time Dad only had a one bedroom flat I had to stay with my abusive evil mother in the 4 bedroom house which was once a family home. A cardboard box would have been sufficient to not have to relive all these memories.
But then in the back of my mind I thought the more time I spent in my mums house meant that maybe one day she would change and welcome me in with open arms but difficult as it was I told my mum when I was 14 that I was moving out to live with my Dad, my Dad who gets both a fathers day and a mothers day card for being the strength of two parents in one, he has never failed in giving his 3 children the love, safety and protection a child needs from their guardian. My mum has gone on to have another 3 children, I can only hope she does a better job this time round for their sakes and if not, I will be there ready to rescue them.
The feelings of joy I get when I see and hear happy children living their childhood makes me wonder how any external factor on this planet could ever make a woman cause her child such unnecessary pain, but now I just have to think at least I know I can live safe in the knowledge that my children will never fall short of feeling all the love that comes from my heart in a safe and stable family environment. For one reason or another my mother didn’t provide me with the unconditional love a parent should do as mentioned in the book but that just makes the love for my own grow stronger as I know how powerful love is and our child will always know that their home is the safest place with all the love they will ever wish for from Graham and I.
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Peek-a-Boo 2nd trimester
Oh what a moment to capture, I have to write about it now as it just happened but it isn't what I had planned!
I'd just come down stairs from having a load of bubbly - the bath variety of course - picked up the Mac to write the next part of my blog whilst feeling inspired when Graham said he'd turn the light down, I said "not to worry I'll do it" we both ended up jumping up to switch the light off just as Alicia Keyes began to sing a beautiful melody - and in that moment we found ourselves dancing in the darkness of our living room to the sweet sound of Alicia performing a live show, it's moments like that which make me feel so full of love : )
So, as I was going to say, this evening was the first time I have had a bath since being pregnant, tonight I put on Eva Cassidy, lit my mango scented candle which was a lovely birthday present and then I slipped into a strawberry sundae - well, thats what the bubble bath packaging calls it - delicious if only I could eat the bubbles!
And in that half... ok hour... to myself I realised as I felt my changing tummy that this is one BIG journey my body is going on as it creates another human being (not human bean as I thought when I was a kid... like a butter bean or a kidney bean, I thought you also got human beans!)
It's utterly amazing to think the little heart that beats inside me is going to keep ticking for many many years to come. The human body is truly amazing to coordinate such an astonishing creation process - it interests me to think how much my body will change sure as the seasons do over the next 6 months!
And now I have taken the time to examine how my form will change to create another I can digest the weight gain issue with a teaspoon of sugar as its a necessary non evil! Yes, I bought a pair of jeans in a size I wouldn't normally wear but hey guess what - I'm not normal at the best of times so why change things now!! So no more weight worries.... I'm not fat! I'm creating another human BEAN!!
So really I wanted to reminisce over the first trimester as of the 21st March I am 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant! (that 182 days to go!!)
First things first, I no longer feel nauseous all of the time, the morning-afternoon-evening-night time- sickness seemed to go off like a light switch, I am actually counting that the last time I made an impromptu visit to worship the porcelain god was 3 mondays ago. I remember this vividly as my Director was headed towards the ladies as I was leaving muttering 'lunch not good' embarrassment score = 10/10. Thankfully I work in a very baby aware department, in fact, its pretty much populated by mummys - There are currently 4 people off on maternity leave and collectively in a department of 36 there are 41 children... I was told about 'the chair'!
Ohhhh, my Dads reaction I haven't documented enough of.... Oh my flippin jeepers is he excited or what?! Little tiny toes and everything he says! I just love that this little bambino will be brought into the world with an unimaginable amount of love from family and friends ( I hope baby T feels all warm and fuzzy inside when I do!)
I have also bought Baby T's first cuddly toy, its a white sheep and its sooo soft I might have a bit of a hard job parting with it to give to the little one! I also have an overwhelming feeling we are having a boy but will have to wait until May 6th to find out!!
So now to look forward to the second trimester, apparently the most enjoyable of the three, thats good because I have a kayaking holiday booked for next weekend. Ok so I might not be able to go in the white waters but lets see if I can have a little paddle! If not, I shall just paint the scenery!
Till next time ta da xx
I'd just come down stairs from having a load of bubbly - the bath variety of course - picked up the Mac to write the next part of my blog whilst feeling inspired when Graham said he'd turn the light down, I said "not to worry I'll do it" we both ended up jumping up to switch the light off just as Alicia Keyes began to sing a beautiful melody - and in that moment we found ourselves dancing in the darkness of our living room to the sweet sound of Alicia performing a live show, it's moments like that which make me feel so full of love : )
So, as I was going to say, this evening was the first time I have had a bath since being pregnant, tonight I put on Eva Cassidy, lit my mango scented candle which was a lovely birthday present and then I slipped into a strawberry sundae - well, thats what the bubble bath packaging calls it - delicious if only I could eat the bubbles!
And in that half... ok hour... to myself I realised as I felt my changing tummy that this is one BIG journey my body is going on as it creates another human being (not human bean as I thought when I was a kid... like a butter bean or a kidney bean, I thought you also got human beans!)
It's utterly amazing to think the little heart that beats inside me is going to keep ticking for many many years to come. The human body is truly amazing to coordinate such an astonishing creation process - it interests me to think how much my body will change sure as the seasons do over the next 6 months!
And now I have taken the time to examine how my form will change to create another I can digest the weight gain issue with a teaspoon of sugar as its a necessary non evil! Yes, I bought a pair of jeans in a size I wouldn't normally wear but hey guess what - I'm not normal at the best of times so why change things now!! So no more weight worries.... I'm not fat! I'm creating another human BEAN!!
So really I wanted to reminisce over the first trimester as of the 21st March I am 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant! (that 182 days to go!!)
First things first, I no longer feel nauseous all of the time, the morning-afternoon-evening-night time- sickness seemed to go off like a light switch, I am actually counting that the last time I made an impromptu visit to worship the porcelain god was 3 mondays ago. I remember this vividly as my Director was headed towards the ladies as I was leaving muttering 'lunch not good' embarrassment score = 10/10. Thankfully I work in a very baby aware department, in fact, its pretty much populated by mummys - There are currently 4 people off on maternity leave and collectively in a department of 36 there are 41 children... I was told about 'the chair'!
Ohhhh, my Dads reaction I haven't documented enough of.... Oh my flippin jeepers is he excited or what?! Little tiny toes and everything he says! I just love that this little bambino will be brought into the world with an unimaginable amount of love from family and friends ( I hope baby T feels all warm and fuzzy inside when I do!)
I have also bought Baby T's first cuddly toy, its a white sheep and its sooo soft I might have a bit of a hard job parting with it to give to the little one! I also have an overwhelming feeling we are having a boy but will have to wait until May 6th to find out!!
So now to look forward to the second trimester, apparently the most enjoyable of the three, thats good because I have a kayaking holiday booked for next weekend. Ok so I might not be able to go in the white waters but lets see if I can have a little paddle! If not, I shall just paint the scenery!
Till next time ta da xx
Sunday, 14 March 2010
12 weeks.. Goodbye morning afternoon and evening sickness. Hello sharing our wonderful news!
Finally! We can share our fabulous news to everyone and that we have done! A few people had been told and it made me chuckle when at our friends Sam and Ricks house for Sam's birthday Rick said 'oh, and congratulations Amy!' when very few knew so then James and Carrie knew and then more friends heard about our Baby T then when Josie and I were celebrating our birthdays in La Tasca I made a bit of a confirmation announcement to the friends who joined us there. Oh, is it just me or is there nothing else in the world more amazing than bringing a whole new life into the world! Thank you Mummy Nature!
So, on Tuesday 9th March I had my 12 week scan, we were in the Royal Berks for 2 hours because of this little Baby T - but by no stretch am I complaining! Our beautiful little baby was so content laying back, one arm behind their head and the other hand in their mouth while their feet were resting against my womb, so comfortable in their little cocoon. The only thing is we needed the little nipper to move so the nice ultrasound lady could take a nuchal measurement to test for any anomalies (to which she said all seems just right!)
Baby T just wanted to lay there and rest, we watched a cooed then its teeny little leg twitched - oh did I cry! Its just magical and amazing! Still, that wasn't the right position to be in so we were sent off for a bite to eat and a fizzy drink then returned 20 minutes later, Graham also gave me a little tummy rub and all of the above contributed to our very mobile baby when we saw him or her again! Baby T was turning upside down and round, at one moment it was head down, I thought oh no, not just yet little one!
We left with 5 photos of our beautiful baby and feeling very happy knowing we have a healthy baba who is due on Monday 20th September... My best friend Karen's 26th birthday! I cant think of a better present to give such a caring and wonderful friend, I really hope Baby T has Grahams timing skills already!!
So, on Tuesday 9th March I had my 12 week scan, we were in the Royal Berks for 2 hours because of this little Baby T - but by no stretch am I complaining! Our beautiful little baby was so content laying back, one arm behind their head and the other hand in their mouth while their feet were resting against my womb, so comfortable in their little cocoon. The only thing is we needed the little nipper to move so the nice ultrasound lady could take a nuchal measurement to test for any anomalies (to which she said all seems just right!)
Baby T just wanted to lay there and rest, we watched a cooed then its teeny little leg twitched - oh did I cry! Its just magical and amazing! Still, that wasn't the right position to be in so we were sent off for a bite to eat and a fizzy drink then returned 20 minutes later, Graham also gave me a little tummy rub and all of the above contributed to our very mobile baby when we saw him or her again! Baby T was turning upside down and round, at one moment it was head down, I thought oh no, not just yet little one!
We left with 5 photos of our beautiful baby and feeling very happy knowing we have a healthy baba who is due on Monday 20th September... My best friend Karen's 26th birthday! I cant think of a better present to give such a caring and wonderful friend, I really hope Baby T has Grahams timing skills already!!
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