That's OK but with what top? That fail safe dress - wont zip up! Trousers are okay... with the button undone! And everything else well its just too tight... Not really a statement I'm used to hearing myself say!
Welcome to week 17, that's the week after the week when the staple items in the wardrobe actually fitted! So today my carpet looks like it has a design of clothes scattered all over it, thats all over the bedroom floor, into the study (soon-to-be-nursery) downstairs to the lounge and move down another floor and theres a blouse practically hanging off the kitchen sink! I'm gaining pregnancy weight as I should be in fact I'm now 62kg as per the midwife's scales which measured me last Tuesday and I am feeling fine about it, the problem occurs when I look in my wardrobe and some of the clothes staring back at me look like they would fit a child!
So, note to self and other girls reading this, there is no need to keep anything which is a size 6 - its just not a good size for anyone over 5 foot! I don't actually want to step back into those jeans again and for the trousers that were hiding at the back of my wardrobe being a 8-10, they became useful again for quite a few weeks but it seems only up until this week like a full stop most of my clothes said no room at the seam very suddenly!
Que a neurotic 40 minute flap on a Tuesday morning while getting ready for work trying to remember if the team meeting was at 9:30 or 10:30 and hoping for the latter, in an almighty huff I was trying to pull together something to fit my bottom half, and at last I found it - the plain black trousers from H&M that I have had for years, they went over my hips no problem then just to do them up, ok Huston we have a problem - thank goodness for safety pins, that gave me an extra 2 inches I'd say and there we go, my bottom half was dressed!
Now of course, what top can I wear with a big sparkly safety pin bridging the gap between embarrassment and dignity? Well, a long one would be best, ok, I have lots of those, but its a summery day so I want something cool not knitted. Finally I find suitable combo of layering two tops to hide my mid section and I get myself into work, late though as it was 9:15 by the time I arrived and the meeting was cancelled anyway so by 10am my blood pressure had resumed to normal and I think if spoken to I would talk rather than growl!
Hang on, I didn't think about the twice-an-hour toilet trip I had to make during my working day what with all the faffing around with the safety pin... And then I said to myself, its time for maternity trousers, yes, elasticated waists and everything!
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Monday, 5 April 2010
Thought provoking Portobello
I have just started reading a new book by one of my favourite authors Paulo Coelho its called The Witch of Portobello which just to paint the picture is a story told by people who knew a once religious now a mystical young woman and as the story unfolds the readers thoughts about love, joy, passion and sacrifice are provoked.
The main character Athena was adopted when she was a very young child from Romania, she was brought up with loving parents and she never wanted for anything. She was extremely religious and quite often had visions from the bible which concerned her parents.
By word from the Virgin Mary Athena believed she was destined to become a married mother and discontinue her studies for an engineering degree at a London university for this maternal energy was asking her to have a child so that she could give the child the kind of love and protection her own birth mother had failed to do. In parts the book references the miracle of creation and the strength of the loving bond that a mother feels for their child which got me thinking about my own mother-daughter relationship.
This kind of subject always bothers me since I was rejected by my mother after my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. For years up until I was 19 and before I had seen a very good councillor I had granted my mum forgiveness for the emotional and physical abuse she put upon me but now I know right from wrong and what my mum did to me is wrong and in my heart of hearts now that I know I don’t have to I will never give that woman the forgiveness for hurting me, mind you, I don’t even know if she craves the acceptance as it’s a subject never to be spoken about. Maybe that’s why I am so vocal about my experience now, no-one needs to suffer silently.
My councillors have heard me tell her of the numerous occasions where mum had bruised my young skin and brainwashed my mind into telling me its my dads fault she does it, and even after the time she put me into hospital after giving me such a beasting while blood poured from my nose and I ached all over from what felt like I was being punched for hours she was saying my dad wont even have me as she packed my bags, to send me where I had no idea!
I ran to my neighbours house who called the Police, while questions were being asked I was sat on her lap while she lied saying I did it to myself as I was being bullied in my new school which was bullshit. I told the truth about every moment of that terrible night when being video recorded by the social services, it’s a wonder how they let me as an 8 year old girl step foot back in that house but they did, as I was lead to believe I had no other place I guess I had to settle with that as my abode.
Because this was a taboo subject I have never asked her why she thought Dad didn’t want me and because of this when Dad asked me if I wanted to live with him I always said no because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience, I just found out when aged 22 my Dad fought his hardest to take me away from my mum but because at the time Dad only had a one bedroom flat I had to stay with my abusive evil mother in the 4 bedroom house which was once a family home. A cardboard box would have been sufficient to not have to relive all these memories.
But then in the back of my mind I thought the more time I spent in my mums house meant that maybe one day she would change and welcome me in with open arms but difficult as it was I told my mum when I was 14 that I was moving out to live with my Dad, my Dad who gets both a fathers day and a mothers day card for being the strength of two parents in one, he has never failed in giving his 3 children the love, safety and protection a child needs from their guardian. My mum has gone on to have another 3 children, I can only hope she does a better job this time round for their sakes and if not, I will be there ready to rescue them.
The feelings of joy I get when I see and hear happy children living their childhood makes me wonder how any external factor on this planet could ever make a woman cause her child such unnecessary pain, but now I just have to think at least I know I can live safe in the knowledge that my children will never fall short of feeling all the love that comes from my heart in a safe and stable family environment. For one reason or another my mother didn’t provide me with the unconditional love a parent should do as mentioned in the book but that just makes the love for my own grow stronger as I know how powerful love is and our child will always know that their home is the safest place with all the love they will ever wish for from Graham and I.
The main character Athena was adopted when she was a very young child from Romania, she was brought up with loving parents and she never wanted for anything. She was extremely religious and quite often had visions from the bible which concerned her parents.
By word from the Virgin Mary Athena believed she was destined to become a married mother and discontinue her studies for an engineering degree at a London university for this maternal energy was asking her to have a child so that she could give the child the kind of love and protection her own birth mother had failed to do. In parts the book references the miracle of creation and the strength of the loving bond that a mother feels for their child which got me thinking about my own mother-daughter relationship.
This kind of subject always bothers me since I was rejected by my mother after my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. For years up until I was 19 and before I had seen a very good councillor I had granted my mum forgiveness for the emotional and physical abuse she put upon me but now I know right from wrong and what my mum did to me is wrong and in my heart of hearts now that I know I don’t have to I will never give that woman the forgiveness for hurting me, mind you, I don’t even know if she craves the acceptance as it’s a subject never to be spoken about. Maybe that’s why I am so vocal about my experience now, no-one needs to suffer silently.
My councillors have heard me tell her of the numerous occasions where mum had bruised my young skin and brainwashed my mind into telling me its my dads fault she does it, and even after the time she put me into hospital after giving me such a beasting while blood poured from my nose and I ached all over from what felt like I was being punched for hours she was saying my dad wont even have me as she packed my bags, to send me where I had no idea!
I ran to my neighbours house who called the Police, while questions were being asked I was sat on her lap while she lied saying I did it to myself as I was being bullied in my new school which was bullshit. I told the truth about every moment of that terrible night when being video recorded by the social services, it’s a wonder how they let me as an 8 year old girl step foot back in that house but they did, as I was lead to believe I had no other place I guess I had to settle with that as my abode.
Because this was a taboo subject I have never asked her why she thought Dad didn’t want me and because of this when Dad asked me if I wanted to live with him I always said no because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience, I just found out when aged 22 my Dad fought his hardest to take me away from my mum but because at the time Dad only had a one bedroom flat I had to stay with my abusive evil mother in the 4 bedroom house which was once a family home. A cardboard box would have been sufficient to not have to relive all these memories.
But then in the back of my mind I thought the more time I spent in my mums house meant that maybe one day she would change and welcome me in with open arms but difficult as it was I told my mum when I was 14 that I was moving out to live with my Dad, my Dad who gets both a fathers day and a mothers day card for being the strength of two parents in one, he has never failed in giving his 3 children the love, safety and protection a child needs from their guardian. My mum has gone on to have another 3 children, I can only hope she does a better job this time round for their sakes and if not, I will be there ready to rescue them.
The feelings of joy I get when I see and hear happy children living their childhood makes me wonder how any external factor on this planet could ever make a woman cause her child such unnecessary pain, but now I just have to think at least I know I can live safe in the knowledge that my children will never fall short of feeling all the love that comes from my heart in a safe and stable family environment. For one reason or another my mother didn’t provide me with the unconditional love a parent should do as mentioned in the book but that just makes the love for my own grow stronger as I know how powerful love is and our child will always know that their home is the safest place with all the love they will ever wish for from Graham and I.
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Peek-a-Boo 2nd trimester
Oh what a moment to capture, I have to write about it now as it just happened but it isn't what I had planned!
I'd just come down stairs from having a load of bubbly - the bath variety of course - picked up the Mac to write the next part of my blog whilst feeling inspired when Graham said he'd turn the light down, I said "not to worry I'll do it" we both ended up jumping up to switch the light off just as Alicia Keyes began to sing a beautiful melody - and in that moment we found ourselves dancing in the darkness of our living room to the sweet sound of Alicia performing a live show, it's moments like that which make me feel so full of love : )
So, as I was going to say, this evening was the first time I have had a bath since being pregnant, tonight I put on Eva Cassidy, lit my mango scented candle which was a lovely birthday present and then I slipped into a strawberry sundae - well, thats what the bubble bath packaging calls it - delicious if only I could eat the bubbles!
And in that half... ok hour... to myself I realised as I felt my changing tummy that this is one BIG journey my body is going on as it creates another human being (not human bean as I thought when I was a kid... like a butter bean or a kidney bean, I thought you also got human beans!)
It's utterly amazing to think the little heart that beats inside me is going to keep ticking for many many years to come. The human body is truly amazing to coordinate such an astonishing creation process - it interests me to think how much my body will change sure as the seasons do over the next 6 months!
And now I have taken the time to examine how my form will change to create another I can digest the weight gain issue with a teaspoon of sugar as its a necessary non evil! Yes, I bought a pair of jeans in a size I wouldn't normally wear but hey guess what - I'm not normal at the best of times so why change things now!! So no more weight worries.... I'm not fat! I'm creating another human BEAN!!
So really I wanted to reminisce over the first trimester as of the 21st March I am 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant! (that 182 days to go!!)
First things first, I no longer feel nauseous all of the time, the morning-afternoon-evening-night time- sickness seemed to go off like a light switch, I am actually counting that the last time I made an impromptu visit to worship the porcelain god was 3 mondays ago. I remember this vividly as my Director was headed towards the ladies as I was leaving muttering 'lunch not good' embarrassment score = 10/10. Thankfully I work in a very baby aware department, in fact, its pretty much populated by mummys - There are currently 4 people off on maternity leave and collectively in a department of 36 there are 41 children... I was told about 'the chair'!
Ohhhh, my Dads reaction I haven't documented enough of.... Oh my flippin jeepers is he excited or what?! Little tiny toes and everything he says! I just love that this little bambino will be brought into the world with an unimaginable amount of love from family and friends ( I hope baby T feels all warm and fuzzy inside when I do!)
I have also bought Baby T's first cuddly toy, its a white sheep and its sooo soft I might have a bit of a hard job parting with it to give to the little one! I also have an overwhelming feeling we are having a boy but will have to wait until May 6th to find out!!
So now to look forward to the second trimester, apparently the most enjoyable of the three, thats good because I have a kayaking holiday booked for next weekend. Ok so I might not be able to go in the white waters but lets see if I can have a little paddle! If not, I shall just paint the scenery!
Till next time ta da xx
I'd just come down stairs from having a load of bubbly - the bath variety of course - picked up the Mac to write the next part of my blog whilst feeling inspired when Graham said he'd turn the light down, I said "not to worry I'll do it" we both ended up jumping up to switch the light off just as Alicia Keyes began to sing a beautiful melody - and in that moment we found ourselves dancing in the darkness of our living room to the sweet sound of Alicia performing a live show, it's moments like that which make me feel so full of love : )
So, as I was going to say, this evening was the first time I have had a bath since being pregnant, tonight I put on Eva Cassidy, lit my mango scented candle which was a lovely birthday present and then I slipped into a strawberry sundae - well, thats what the bubble bath packaging calls it - delicious if only I could eat the bubbles!
And in that half... ok hour... to myself I realised as I felt my changing tummy that this is one BIG journey my body is going on as it creates another human being (not human bean as I thought when I was a kid... like a butter bean or a kidney bean, I thought you also got human beans!)
It's utterly amazing to think the little heart that beats inside me is going to keep ticking for many many years to come. The human body is truly amazing to coordinate such an astonishing creation process - it interests me to think how much my body will change sure as the seasons do over the next 6 months!
And now I have taken the time to examine how my form will change to create another I can digest the weight gain issue with a teaspoon of sugar as its a necessary non evil! Yes, I bought a pair of jeans in a size I wouldn't normally wear but hey guess what - I'm not normal at the best of times so why change things now!! So no more weight worries.... I'm not fat! I'm creating another human BEAN!!
So really I wanted to reminisce over the first trimester as of the 21st March I am 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant! (that 182 days to go!!)
First things first, I no longer feel nauseous all of the time, the morning-afternoon-evening-night time- sickness seemed to go off like a light switch, I am actually counting that the last time I made an impromptu visit to worship the porcelain god was 3 mondays ago. I remember this vividly as my Director was headed towards the ladies as I was leaving muttering 'lunch not good' embarrassment score = 10/10. Thankfully I work in a very baby aware department, in fact, its pretty much populated by mummys - There are currently 4 people off on maternity leave and collectively in a department of 36 there are 41 children... I was told about 'the chair'!
Ohhhh, my Dads reaction I haven't documented enough of.... Oh my flippin jeepers is he excited or what?! Little tiny toes and everything he says! I just love that this little bambino will be brought into the world with an unimaginable amount of love from family and friends ( I hope baby T feels all warm and fuzzy inside when I do!)
I have also bought Baby T's first cuddly toy, its a white sheep and its sooo soft I might have a bit of a hard job parting with it to give to the little one! I also have an overwhelming feeling we are having a boy but will have to wait until May 6th to find out!!
So now to look forward to the second trimester, apparently the most enjoyable of the three, thats good because I have a kayaking holiday booked for next weekend. Ok so I might not be able to go in the white waters but lets see if I can have a little paddle! If not, I shall just paint the scenery!
Till next time ta da xx
Sunday, 14 March 2010
12 weeks.. Goodbye morning afternoon and evening sickness. Hello sharing our wonderful news!
Finally! We can share our fabulous news to everyone and that we have done! A few people had been told and it made me chuckle when at our friends Sam and Ricks house for Sam's birthday Rick said 'oh, and congratulations Amy!' when very few knew so then James and Carrie knew and then more friends heard about our Baby T then when Josie and I were celebrating our birthdays in La Tasca I made a bit of a confirmation announcement to the friends who joined us there. Oh, is it just me or is there nothing else in the world more amazing than bringing a whole new life into the world! Thank you Mummy Nature!
So, on Tuesday 9th March I had my 12 week scan, we were in the Royal Berks for 2 hours because of this little Baby T - but by no stretch am I complaining! Our beautiful little baby was so content laying back, one arm behind their head and the other hand in their mouth while their feet were resting against my womb, so comfortable in their little cocoon. The only thing is we needed the little nipper to move so the nice ultrasound lady could take a nuchal measurement to test for any anomalies (to which she said all seems just right!)
Baby T just wanted to lay there and rest, we watched a cooed then its teeny little leg twitched - oh did I cry! Its just magical and amazing! Still, that wasn't the right position to be in so we were sent off for a bite to eat and a fizzy drink then returned 20 minutes later, Graham also gave me a little tummy rub and all of the above contributed to our very mobile baby when we saw him or her again! Baby T was turning upside down and round, at one moment it was head down, I thought oh no, not just yet little one!
We left with 5 photos of our beautiful baby and feeling very happy knowing we have a healthy baba who is due on Monday 20th September... My best friend Karen's 26th birthday! I cant think of a better present to give such a caring and wonderful friend, I really hope Baby T has Grahams timing skills already!!
So, on Tuesday 9th March I had my 12 week scan, we were in the Royal Berks for 2 hours because of this little Baby T - but by no stretch am I complaining! Our beautiful little baby was so content laying back, one arm behind their head and the other hand in their mouth while their feet were resting against my womb, so comfortable in their little cocoon. The only thing is we needed the little nipper to move so the nice ultrasound lady could take a nuchal measurement to test for any anomalies (to which she said all seems just right!)
Baby T just wanted to lay there and rest, we watched a cooed then its teeny little leg twitched - oh did I cry! Its just magical and amazing! Still, that wasn't the right position to be in so we were sent off for a bite to eat and a fizzy drink then returned 20 minutes later, Graham also gave me a little tummy rub and all of the above contributed to our very mobile baby when we saw him or her again! Baby T was turning upside down and round, at one moment it was head down, I thought oh no, not just yet little one!
We left with 5 photos of our beautiful baby and feeling very happy knowing we have a healthy baba who is due on Monday 20th September... My best friend Karen's 26th birthday! I cant think of a better present to give such a caring and wonderful friend, I really hope Baby T has Grahams timing skills already!!
Monday, 1 February 2010
Hooray - Happy faces all round from our families!
On Sunday 31st January Graham and I went for a wonderful meal at his mum Maureen's house with brother Paul and Phillip there too.
It didn't take too long for our news to be shared, when Maureen asked if I wanted a drink I asked for a lemonade (not my usual Gin and Tonic) she said 'well, thats a surprise'... And I responded 'we have an even bigger surprise!' She said 'are you..?' and I said 'I am!!' and just like that our wonderful news was out! It bought a tear to her eye and thankfully it was all due to happiness! I couldn't wish for our child to have a better Grandmother than Maureen : )
Today was going to be a big day for food! After the scrumptious 3 courses at Maureen's (oh, maybe I had a little bit of both dessert choices too!!) we were then due to see my Dad, Michelle, Craig and Naomi for dinner at the Bird in Hand.
We all met at Dads house, the house I lived in before flying the nest - quite an apt phrase to choose considering we went to The Bird in Hand for dinner, in just under 4 years I have flown the nest, now coming back to deliver the news that I'm building my own nest and I'm ready to care for my own - little a little bird in my hand (well, a baby in my tummy) to love and to cherish.
I decided to wait until after the eating to tell my family, partly because there was a noisy family with small children near by that didn't really create the ideal background 'music' as I think it might have irritated Michelle (in my own opinion I commented on how lovely one of the little girls were!) Now, Michelle doesn't have children of her own but she certainly has a family of her own albeit by marriage. She is a great female role model, whether that be as a friend or big sister type figure she has a positive effect on my life in her own right and for making my Dad a happy man, I was however concerned about her reaction to a mini person joining the Twedz Gang (well, technically Baby T will be a Taylor..)
An easy way for me to explain it is my passion for children is equalled by her's for animals - and there we go, we have an understanding now - Oh but don't worry Michelle, you need never change a nappy and when Baby T visits I am going to dress him/her in little animal suits!! And I must say I love how Craig is now nicknamed Uncle Buck!
So, all in all, happy families!
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Today is the day we tell our family : )
Its a nice fresh Sunday morning, admittedly I am awake much sooner than I would prefer but that's because Baby T has had a habit over the past 3 mornings of waking me up early because I feel nauseous! Lemon and Ginger tea seems to help but I'm so excited and happy I don't really want to go back to sleep!
I'm excited because Graham and I will be visiting both of our parents today to deliver the fantastic news! I know that Graham's mum is going to be very pleased to hear that her first Grandchild will arrive in September! I still haven't quite made up my mind about my Dads reaction but once the shock subsides i think he too with be over the moon, and I know for definite my older brother Craig will be chuffed! I already told Craig's girlfriend Naomi as I couldn't keep it to myself, she's a little broody now and also happy to hear there's a little cub in my tummy! So all in all I think today will be a day of joy! Much like my whole week has been!
I'm excited because Graham and I will be visiting both of our parents today to deliver the fantastic news! I know that Graham's mum is going to be very pleased to hear that her first Grandchild will arrive in September! I still haven't quite made up my mind about my Dads reaction but once the shock subsides i think he too with be over the moon, and I know for definite my older brother Craig will be chuffed! I already told Craig's girlfriend Naomi as I couldn't keep it to myself, she's a little broody now and also happy to hear there's a little cub in my tummy! So all in all I think today will be a day of joy! Much like my whole week has been!
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